Sexual Detours: Infidelity and Intimacy at the Crossroads

By Holly Hein

Book Overview

The Startling Truth Behind Love, Lust, and Infidelity At long last, we have a book about affairs that is not about blame. Sexual Detours offers an illuminating-and powerful-portrait of the human psyche that sheds light on the hidden dark recesses of the world of infidelity. Its striking and metaphorical language unravels the secrets behind affairs. This book is for anyone who has ever been enchanted and beguiled by the idea of a romance; entangled in a clandestine relationship; devastated by betrayal; recovering from loss; or even simply hoping to find love and happiness. In short, everyone . We've all thought about having an affair. Who hasn't wondered what it would be like to have a relationship with that special person . . . right next door . . . in the other office . . . or just around the corner? We all crave ecstasy, obsession, excitement, and romance. And we all find intimacy and elusive chimera slipping from our grasp. Sometimes, we look for solace in the arms of a lover and seek a romantic exit on the highway of our lives as we struggle with our dreams and wishes, fears and realities. With insight and sensitivity, Dr. Holly Hein leads us on a voyage of discovery that explores the true meaning behind our sexual detours. She shows us why we do it. How we do it. And what to do about it. Dr. Hein clarifies that an affair reveals more about our selves than about our sex lives; it is more about the chemistry of escape than about sexual lightening. And, ultimately, an affair is more about the betrayal of the self than it is about breaking marriage vows. Every affair has a cover story and carries a secret message written in code-it is as unique as a fingerprint. Dr. Hein explains how to decipher the hidden code and to interpret the true message behind the cover story, repairing the cables of communication and translating the language of the inner world. Vivid case histories illustrate how unrecognized, unexpressed needs often surface in disguise, leading us to take flight and reject what our partner symbolizes as we seek escape in the fantasy of a tryst. Dr. Hein illustrates how an affair conceals the real issues-showing us how to recognize this-and tells us what steps to take in order to have more rewarding intimate relationships. Sexual Detours is a beacon to all who have been touched by the anguish, denial, resentment, guilt, and shame of an affair, encouraging us to emerge from the pain of infidelity and create a self-awareness that will forge the bonds of a lasting intimacy.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0312253354
• ISBN13: 9780312253356
• Release Date: April 2000
• Publisher: Golden Books Adult Publishing
• Length: 288 Pages
• Weight: 1.00 lbs.
• Dimensions: 8.6" x 1.0" x 5.6"

Customer Reviews

Helped Save My Marriage

Holly Hein's book is probably one of the best books I have read on the subject--and I have read a lot. It is simple, straight forward and discusses hard issues that can and do lead to affairs. My spouse and I read it together and it provided a platform in which to discuss some very painful episodes in our life together. It has helped us both in the healing process and to gain an understanding from both perspectives. Thank you Holly for writing this book.

Nonjudgmental and No Nonsense.

As a future therapist, I like books by therapists that talk about the actual sessions. This book is perfect for gaining an understanding of affairs and the multitude of reasons behind them. It's geared more to married people who are or have been involved in affairs, with a lot less emphasis on what the experience is for someone who is single. If you are single, this is probably not the best book for you, but you could read it anyway understanding of what the experience was from the other side. It's got great insight for anyone coming to terms with what they've experienced or what they've seen friends and family experience. Dr. Holly Hein is the kind of therapist you'd want if you had been through this yourself. She doesn't let anybody play the victim but she cares about all involved. She's got an endorsement on the back cover from Janis A. Spring, author of After the Affair, who is very respected on this subject. For that reason, I bought Sexual Detours (the name doesn't fit quite right, in my opinion....but don't judge the book by the cover) and it's become one of my favorites.

Why I wrote this book.

I wrote this book because, I was stunned by the distortion and misconceptions people have about intimacy, sex, love and marriage. I did not want to write a book that gave a rigid moral rationale on why affairs are sins rather, I wanted to educate people that when they take a detour away from their partner they are taking a detour away from themselves. It is difficult to confront and communicate to another who we are and what are needs are when we really don't know ourselves. In this world where knowledge is so easily transmitted, knowing seems to be at a premium. I want to educate people and assist them in living more fulfilling lives through what is a true intimate connection. Where giving and taking is both understood and put into practice.