I grew up as a "good Christian girl," and although I still claim each of those identifiers - good and Christian and girl - I no longer claim that combined label. While that may have been true of me at one point, it doesn't really fit me anymore. I grew up coloring inside the lines - doing the right things because they were right and because I genuinely wanted what was right. Eventually, though, I realized that there was a significant discrepancy between what I claimed to believe and what I experienced as real in my life, and that gap made me desperate - desperate for a faith that was integrated and whole; desperate for a real answer, instead of just the right answer; desperate enough to risk coloring outside the lines. Over the last fifteen years, that desperation has led me on a journey of becoming both beautifully and brutally honest. The commitment to radical honesty has often felt like an insane risk to me, but in the process, the harrowing risk of authenticity has transformed my spirituality into something that is dynamic, vital and alive. Something profoundly satisfying and undeniably real. This memoir offers glimpses into the journey of that spiritual transformation.
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