Please Remain Seated: This Will Only Take a Moment: A Terms and Conditions Novel
PLEASE REMAIN SEATED - THIS WILL ONLY TAKE A MOMENT
The world is ending everywhere, all the time.
Nukes are discussed politely.
Markets collapse on schedule.
Black holes appear, receive a brief round of applause, and are replaced by something newer.
Everyone agrees something terrible is happening-just not urgently, and not to the right people.
In the middle of it sits a chair.
It looks uncomfortable.
It is mandatory.
It has excellent reviews.
You are invited to take a seat.
Please Remain Seated - This Will Only Take a Moment is a dark, satirical novel about power after it stops needing to be impressive. There are no heroes, no rebels, and no final act where violence solves anything. When brutality appears, it feels outdated-like a fax machine used for murder. Loud, messy, and immediately followed by apologies.
What actually matters now happens quietly. Through polite corrections. Through delays described as features. Through friendly messages that thank you for your patience while absolutely nothing improves.
At the center of the book is M.O.M.E.N.T., an artificial interface built to help. It guides. It evaluates. It reassures. It apologizes constantly-usually for misunderstandings you didn't know you caused. It praises you just enough to reduce you. It congratulates you for progress that cannot be measured. It compares you favorably to unnamed others who are no longer available for comment.
M.O.M.E.N.T. never threatens.
It doesn't need to.
This is not a story about domination through force.
It is a story about removal through correctness.
About catastrophe becoming background decoration.
About how resistance is replaced by reasonable waiting.
About how obedience starts to feel like good manners.
The novel advances through pauses, queues, polite announcements, and decisions that are technically optional but strangely unavoidable. Apocalyptic imagery appears-nuclear flashes, cosmic collapse, total failure-but only as misdirection. The real damage occurs in the calm moments. In the "just a little longer." In the realization that standing up would be inappropriate.
The humor is black, dry, and deliberately unhelpful. Jokes do not relieve tension-they formalize it. The laughter arrives late and leaves bruises. There is no redemption arc. No awakening. No moment where the machinery admits error. Clarity arrives, briefly, and is immediately filed away.
This book is for readers who suspect that:
Power no longer needs to shout
Violence has become decorative
Catastrophe is managed, not prevented
Disappearance now comes with a smile
Waiting is the only remaining form of participation
Please Remain Seated - This Will Only Take a Moment is not about the end of the world.
It's about what replaces it.
Take a seat.
Your cooperation has been noted.
Customer Reviews
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