Parents Who Think Too Much: Why We Do It, How To Stop

By Ann Cassidy

Book Overview

With the baby boom generation came the genre of parenting books that told parents how to teach their kids everything from toilet training to developing self-esteem. Generally the message has been- go easy on your child, but hard on yourself. It is starting to become apparent, especially in the best of families, that giving your kids lots of choices, validating their feelings at great peril to your own and providing "enough" individual attention for each child is creating a generation of kids over whom we have no control. Cassidy argues that this comes from over-thinking our role as parents. We've pondered every step so much that the juice, the joy, and worst of all, our confidence is gone. The reasons are clear- We have fewer children later in life so we've had more time to ponder. We've grown up just as research on infant and child development has come of age, so there's no shortage of material to think about. As a generation we've prided ourselves on self-improvement and we bring the same zeal to child improvement. We're less likely to live close to our families, and so are more likely to seek out expert solutions. To counter this thinking, Cassidy will suggest keeping the big picture in mind--what kind of people do you really want your kids to be? Honest, kind, cooperative, empathetic? It may mean losing sight of whether enough play dates are scheduled for the week and if you've positively reinforced the latest creative endeavor, but it will bring back your instincts about what is important to your family as a whole, and to your kids to become decent people.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0440508126
• ISBN13: 9780440508120
• Release Date: June 1998
• Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
• Length: 368 Pages
• Weight: 0.70 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.9" x 5.5" x 8.5"

Customer Reviews

Fresh Perspective

This is not a parenting book, but more of an "anti-parenting book" book. The author is not going to tell you how to raise your kids - she is going to tell you to stop letting other authors tell you how to raise them.Cassidy tells the story of her own experiences with parenting theories and advice, as a mother and as a parenting magazine author. She analyzes the trends and history that make today's parents obsess over parenting.Cassidy's thesis is that over-consumption of expert advice coupled with geographical distance from and mistrust of one's own family make today's upper middle-class parents doubt and second-guess themselves until they're incapable of taking charge and giving their children the guidance and firmness they need.The immediacy of Cassidy's narrative style made this a very enjoyable book for me to read. I read it during my baby's first summer, when it opened my eyes to the value of occasionally leaving a baby alone to discover the world on her own, rather than constantly playing with her and talking to her. I'm glad I read it when I did; it has influenced the path I have taken. It encourages parents to lighten up, to trust themselves, to take the long view, and to enjoy their children while they can, since they won't be children for very long. It cautions against the intense focus on doing everything "right" that leads to parental burn-out, and can blind parents to the best moments of their children's childhood. Most of all, it reminds parents that there are other things in life besides one's children, and that it's okay to pursue them.Every parent should read this book.

Out of the Brat race

Thanks to Anne Cassidy, I'm getting out of the brat race. My oldest was raised 'the old fashioned way' - my youngest had the benefit of a mother with experience , a mom who could afford to stay home and who read the latest studies, books, and every parenting magazine out there in an effort to find 'the right way' for baby dear. Guess what ? My youngest is a brat ! Ok, maybe not a BRAT, but he was well on his way. My life went from balanced, to kid-centered. My parenting techniques went from, 'you'll get over it' to 'we can't blame him for expressing his feelings, he needs to be heard'. I still wanted to be the best parent I could be, but how was it that after spending all this time paying so much attention to my kids, I couldn't leave the house ? Thanks to Anne Cassidy, I've learned to have more faith in my gut - and more appreciation for the hard -learned lessons my Granma taught.

If every parent read this book, I'd still be teaching.

Being a former high-school teacher, I can easily say that most of Anne Cassidy's observations are true! The majority of kids I taught were disprespectful and unruly, and seemingly didn't know appropriate behavior for the classroom. Evidently, I set very high expectations for these children of the 90's, i.e. to sit quietly, to pay attention to the lesson, and to practice what they learned after the lesson. Believe it or don't, this was too much for most of my students to handle. Cassidy hits-the-nail-on-the-head on how parenting of late has gone awry. Every parent should read this book.

Food for thought! This book is liberating.

Anne Cassidy offers insights that sometimes made me cringe in recognition. She offers a new way of looking at parenting and encourages us to just "be parents" rather than being paralyzed while we analyze the hell out of everything our child does and how we respond. I thank her for giving me more to think about (oops! did I really say that?). Seriously, I often find myself reflecting on Ms. Cassidy's words.

A return to common sense

Ms. Cassidy has reassured me that I am not alone in thinking that something has gone wrong with a parenting world where children are accorded all of the negotiating rights of a labor-management sitdown. I look forward to seeing the results of this wake up call to well-meaning and ill-directed parents.