No One's Even Bleeding

By Lenny Castellaneta

Hilarious story of an aspiring writer who spends five years as an L.A. public school substitute teacher. Tales of promiscuous PTA moms, drug induced misadventures of faculty members, and... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1591291275
• ISBN13: 9781591291275
• Release Date: January 2002
• Publisher: Publishamerica Inc
• Length: 227 Pages
• Weight: 0.75 lbs.
• Dimensions: 9.0" x 0.5" x 6.0"

Customer Reviews

Heh and I thought My Job Was Bad!

A good read and well worth every penny. He opens up the seedy and hilarious underbelly of the teaching profession with humor and sarcasm. Nice work Mr. C!

Not for everyone... BUT I LOVED IT!

It's unfortunate that people most likely to enjoy this book will probably never read it. (I only read it at the insistence of a friend.) If you consider yourself an intellectual, take a pass; you won't "get" the humor. But for those who enjoy beer, cigars, dirty jokes and self-deprecating humor, I recommend this book. First of all let me warn you, this isn't a novel. It's a fictionalized account, using essays/short stories, of a young New Yorker (Lenny) who wants to be a TV writer. And while awaiting his break, he becomes a substitute teacher in L.A. What separates this from other stories about teachers (besides some risque content) is that the author seems to have true disdain for the public education system, understanding all too well that people like himself are part of the problem. One of my favorite parts is the opening of a chapter where he states, "They say that God watches out for children, drunks and fools. Simply put, this means I stand a two-thirds better chance for divine intervention in my life than most other people." Another is a conversation with a literary agent who's displeased with all the jokes Lenny has written in a sitcom script (says it's "too jokey"). Lenny is baffled by this. The annoyed agent asks, "You know what happens to scripts that have TOO many jokes?" A confused Lenny responds, "They win Emmys?" But my favorite could be the part where he's describing how some kids want to act tough but just can't seem to fill the role. "Sort of like Michael Keaton playing Batman or Tony Danza playing any character other than an Italian guy from New York named Tony." I like this type of humor so the book was easy for me to enjoy. If you don't find the above snippets funny, then this probably isn't for you.

A latter-day Up The Down Staircase

This diamond in the rough might be derivative in form, but is refreshingly original in content. In the clutches of a typically familiar post-collegiate funk, a naive New Yorker (not an oxymoron) gives himself five years to make it as a writer in Hollywood. In the meantime, he grudgingly acquiesces to take a job as a substitute teacher in Narrow Valley.After all, he has to pay the bills, and he'll have some time in class to work on his scripts. One might think that higher education equates with common sense,compassion, and intelligence, but one would be wrong. Alas,there are as many phonies in school biz as in show biz. What results is a scathing expose of the incredible hypocrisy, pettiness, vindictiveness, and waste that permeate the hierarchies of public school districts everywhere. The author's not always tongue in cheek depiction of teachers as incompetent, libidinous, hedonistic, ne'er-do-wells, and of administrators as teachers who are promoted not because of their superior management skills, but as a means of maintaining damage control at the classroom level will prompt nods and grins of recognition that cut across all professions. Deftly mocks those who would absolve themselves from their shares of the blame for a system that grows alarmingly more dysfunctional every year. In the end, the derision and ridicule are fairly evenly distributed, but what makes this more than just a finger pointing rant is the author's reserving the sharpest barbs in his quiver for himself.

A Must Read!

Lenny Castellaneta's "No One's Even Bleeding" is one of the funniest books I've ever read. More importantly, he needles an issue that needs stitching. As a student of satire, I can attest that few come as close to exposing the hypocrisy of an institution as Castellaneta does in his book. "No One's Even Bleeding" lambasts public education in a way that shows the absurdity of our culture.From inside the classroom, the author shows us how corrupt our system has become. Castellaneta is not a reformer; he doesn't tell us what we need to do in order to correct the problem. He merely holds a mirror reflecting the truth. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is ever inclined to be a teacher. Also, I recommend this to anyone who wants a good laugh. Castallenata is truly a funny writer.

Definite sitcom potential

I can't think of another book that would better lend itself to a TV series (probably cable) than "No One's Even Bleeding". Each chapter could be it's own episode. And there's probably five years worth of stories here. As someone (author Castellaneta) who wanted to be a television writer, one has to wonder if that was his thinking behind the book's style. It's definitely a look at education from a different perspective. So if you're a teacher, or close to someone who is, you might find this offensive. But for all of us who understand what a joke public education really is, I think you'll get more than a few chuckles from this.