Moms Tinder Profile: And 22 Other Ways Adults Lie Every Day
Moms and dads lie without any shame. About going to the gym, which they are not doing. About cheating at board games, which they are doing. About the Tinder profile, which exists, and the photos on it, which are from five years ago, and the description, which contains optimism that should be considered legally actionable. This book catalogs twenty-three documented adult lies alongside the context that makes each of them understandable, defensible, and nonetheless a lie. The Tinder profile is exhibit one. The gym is exhibit two. There are twenty-one more. They are all illustrated in cartoon form. The children are learning.
This adult parody book addresses the fundamental dishonesty of adult life with the illustrated cheerfulness of a children's guide to the world, which is the format that best captures the gap between what children are told and what is actually happening. Adults lie. The lies are specific. The specific lies are documented here. If you are an adult reading this description, you have told at least three of these lies. This is the book about you. It is illustrated. It is available at a price that makes purchasing it easily defensible.
This Book IS For: Adults who have told at least one lie from this book's catalog and would like it documented so they can process it externallyAnyone who grew up watching adults be confusing and has since become a confusing adult and found the patternFans of humor that is funny because it is accurate and not because it exaggerates anything that needs exaggeratingGift-givers who want to hand someone a book and watch them recognize themselves, their partner, or their parents in itThis Book Is NOT For: Adults who do not lie and would like that acknowledged, though those adults are also technically lying about not lyingPeople whose Tinder profile contains only recent photos and an honest description, who will find this relevant to othersReaders who need their adult role models to be presented as models rather than as people doing their best and fibbingAnyone who found the gym claim personally targeting and knows whyAppropriate For: Gifts for new parents who are about to start lying extensively and could benefit from a preview of their upcoming catalogWhite elephant exchanges where a majority of attendees have been on a dating app and selected their best possible photosBachelorette parties for the friend who has the Tinder profile and the gym membership and the relationship with both that we all know aboutGag gifts for anyone who has recently updated their dating profile and described the update as "authentic"Why Buy ThisThere are twenty-three lies documented in this book. You have told some of them. The person you're giving this to has told some of them. The person who wrote this book has told some of them. This is not a character assessment. This is a documentation project. The lies are understandable. The cartoon illustrations are charming. The fact that everyone in the room will recognize at least half of these as current practices is the joke, and it is a good enough joke to sustain twenty-three chapters.
Mom's Tinder profile exists. The gym membership is aspirational. The board game cheating is ongoing. This book costs less than the gym membership that goes unused and produces more genuine engagement per dollar than any fitness app currently on the market. Twenty-three lies, all illustrated, all recognizable, all available at a price that is itself a good deal rather than a lie about a good deal. That's transparency.
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