Military Widow: A Survival Guide

by Joanne M. Steen

This survival guide for widows of service personnel, a first-of-its-kind, tackles the unique and complex issues arising from the death of a spouse in the military. It speaks to loss in each of the service branches, across the span of rank and rates, and offers invaluable insights and practical strategies for dealing with this life-altering tragedy. The authors expertly blend personal experience with guidance from leading experts on grief and traumatic...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1591148340
• ISBN13: 9781591148340
• Release Date: June 2006
• Publisher: US Naval Institute Press
• Length: 208 Pages
• Weight: 0.65 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 6.1" x 9.0"

Customer Reviews

A true blessing

This book is a true blessing for anyone who now has the unwanted title of being a military widow. When my husband was killed in a car accident 6 years ago, I became a military widow at the age of 24 and was left to raise our 2 1/2 month old son outside of the military life that we anticipated and were comfortable in. I began reading countless books about grief and widowhood, trying to find that what I felt was normal. However, there wasn't a book out there that addressed the special circumstances that surround being a military widow. This book addresses those additional issues with straightforward chapters and is full of countless "A-ha! I feel that way too!" moments whether one is reading it 6 days or 6 years after their husband's death. It is also a must read for those who love a military widow or who will be working with her as it can lead them to a greater understanding of what she is feeling. Whenever a military widow questions that she can survive, this book will assure her that she can and guide her through her journey. A job very, very well done!

Unparalleled Resource -- A Must Read

Military Widow: A Survival Guide shows tremendous insight into the challenges a young military widow experiences. I desperately needed this book when my husband, a Navy pilot, was killed in an A-6 crash. Joanne Steen and Regina Asaro give validity to the unspoken thoughts and feelings that many military widows go through. The book gives practical suggestions for dealing with difficult situations and contains great references to survive and manage the months and years after a traumatic loss. In addition to being an unmatched resource for widows, "Military Widow" is a must-read for her family and friends and a practical tool for the professionals working with her.

THE BEST translation of Military Widowhood

This is, hands down, the most valuable resource for military widows and others who stand by as she walks down her new path of military widowhood. After my husband was killed four years ago I searched desperately for some sort of road map, some touchstone to let me know that I wasn't alone. This book answers that and many more unanswered questions for newer widows and those who have walked this road for years. I think that this is a must read for anyone and everyone who has any contact with military widowhood.

Badly Needed, Brilliantly Done

There is so much good about this book that it is hard to know where to start. First, I guess, is the fact that this is a book for military widows, written by a military widow. Joanne Steen is the widow of a Navy helicopter pilot whose machine came apart in the air killing everyone on board. Second, it is published by Naval Institute Press. The US Naval Institute has been around a long time and will remain around. They can (and I hope they will) keep this book available for a long time. Third, while there is a lot of coverage in the press about the war in Iraq, most military people are killed in ordinary everyday ways. This includes heart attacks, automobile accidents, all the things that kill non-service people. Fourth, the book covers every aspect you can imagine from the funeral to the kids. I could go on, but by now you should have the picture. This is a book that every military chaplain, every casualty officer should have, read, study and give copies to the widows. Perhaps two copies, one immediately, and another in a month or so when they have had time to recover a bit.

Excellent resource for military widows and more

I've read over a dozen books to help me in my journey through grief, and none are as succinct and clear as Joanne Steen's "Military Widow: A Survival Guide." The chapters are short, the coverage is excellent, and the "lessons learned" from other military widows stand out. Every word was written with the care of someone who has lived through the pain. Many of the "lessons learned" in this book can help non-military widows and widowers. It helped me. I believe this book can even help non-widows understand the terrible burden of the military widow. Part one: "Life and Death in the military," bring us into the diverse lives of widows in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and the Coast Guard. Military widowhood (and the focus is on the widow) is especially difficult. Joanne understands: "Protecting America does have its price, and for me, it was my husband's life." Part Two is entitled: "Military grief is complex." It's usually associated with young widowhood, far from family and home towns. The circumstances of military death, when they died for a cause, when bodies are unavailable, when the mission is classified, makes things more difficult. The publicity around the death, as well as the funeral, often forces the military widow into the public eye. Military widowhood comes without warning. Part Three: "When your husband dies suddenly," contrasts the circumstances of anticipated and sudden deaths. It dispels popular notions on how we should grieve. It encourages us to do the grief work necessary to move forward in the lives we never wanted. It describes how counseling and getting together with other widows can validate our feelings, with the experience of others. Special military grief issues include delays related to deployment. As described in Part Four, widowhood is "The unplanned trip through living hell." In most cases, connections to your husband's unit change. Children grieve in different ways. Too many people tell us dumb things (and the book includes interesting answers). It addresses some of the "God issues," it provides warnings about inappropriate advances and identity theft. Part Five, "Difficult decisions," describes the need for financial planning, encourages stability in living arrangements (after base housing), as well as common-sense advice on medals and mementos. "Everyday coping," the subject of Part Six, examines how to handle significant dates (as well as the time beforehand), widow humor, staying healthy, in-laws, ex-wives and stepchildren, if and when to date again (as well as the reactions of others), how we change, as well as planning for emergencies. Appendix A includes a list of practical tips for helping the military widow - in the short and long term. Appendix B adds a list of organizations which can help in various ways. Disclaimer: I've been a widower for just over four years. I've seen Joanne's work with military widows (and other widowed people like myself) first hand. After my Nancy died, she was the fir