Mess of Contradictions: The Inconclusive Search for Home

By Aris Null

If I am perfect, I am loved. Else, I am a failure.

Nan Perez has spent her entire life playing the perfect, silent golden child. As the daughter of a well-known, abusive pastor, her reality is a suffocating balance of performing church duties and hiding the bruises she receives behind closed doors. Her only true escape is her freshman year at a Philippine provincial state university, where a chaotic but fiercely loyal group of friends finally lets her experience the messy freedom of being a regular teenager.

Desperate for a safe harbor, Nan finds her heart caught between two impossible connections. She is still haunted by the "Ghost" of Farah, her long-distance ex-girlfriend who couldn't handle the consequences of their forbidden love. At the same time, she is drawn to the "Sea"-her brilliant, enigmatic Literature professor, Ma'am Nori, who offers Nan a blurry, comforting refuge that tests the boundaries of mentorship and friendship.

But as her father's hypocrisy and physical violence escalate, and a sudden global nightmare traps her inside her worst fears, Nan's carefully constructed double life begins to fracture. Forced to choose between the crushing weight of her family's expectations and her own survival, Nan must find the courage to stop waiting for the tide to turn and finally fight back.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: B0GXK95W13
• ISBN13: 9798257505331
• Release Date: April 2026
• Publisher: Independently published
• Length: 154 Pages
• Weight: 0.48 lbs.
• Dimensions: 9.0" x 0.3" x 6.0"