Men and Grief: Stories of Growth Through Struggles with Trauma and Loss

By Mitch Cohen M.Ed

Every human alive will experience loss. Loss is inevitable, universal and unavoidable. Loss can be by death of friends, loved ones and pets. Loss can be life transitions, job loss and moves from our home . It is never welcomed, so great is the pain it brings, along with the power to drain color and joy from our lives. However, grief is the psyche's way of processing loss, which allows us to recover and reach the point of acceptance and of life moving forward, along new paths. In the United States and other Western cultures, grief is avoided and often viewed as a handicap and something to "get over" and return to "normal." For many men, grief is considered an aberration or a weakness, thus feelings are locked inside, unexpressed and suppressed. In a sense, men are dying from not grieving, succumbing to the stigma of "weakness" that takes a huge psychological and physical toll on them. Much has been written about grief, but relatively little from the perspectives of men. Francis Waller wrote in his book, The Wild Edge of Sorrow, "when grief cannot be spoken, it falls into the shadow (repressed) and re-arises in us as symptoms. So many of us are depressed, anxious and lonely. We struggle with addictions and find ourselves moving at a breathless pace, trying to keep up with the machinery of culture." Men feel deeply and just as deeply as women. Toughness and "strength" is not repressing feelings; rather, real masculinity INCLUDES feeling and expressing emotions in healthy ways. Men who feel are more available to partners, friends, family and work associates. Repressed emotion in men is killing us, either through the suffering of others due to "restricted" masculinity, or early onset "dis-eases," such as uncontrolled rage, narcissistic behavior, borderline behavior, depression, anxiety, addiction, cardiovascular issues and even cancer. In this book, the perspectives of four courageous and vulnerable men, and two licensed psychotherapists have written about their experience with grief and loss - from a man's perspective. The hope is that other men will be encouraged to open up to their humanity and vulnerability and be strong by being surrendered to the pain of loss and grief. To read the sharing in this book is intended to dispense with stereotypes, and to gain new appreciation for the depth of feeling that the contributors each express. All anyone ever wants is to share what they are experiencing, be seen, be heard and have safe space held for them. We all have wounded, young, vulnerable parts of our psyches. Through legacy burdening (passed down through generations), shaming and unfortunate role modeling, men learned to tap down the "bad" emotions (sadness, fear, shame, hurt) and express only the "good" emotions (joy and anger). Perhaps the most unexpected revelation in the sharing of these men in this book is how genuine and profound grief can be a form of alchemy, where the heaviness of sorrow is transmuted into the pure gold of growth and genuine transformation. It may prompt not only life-changing perspectives, but also a reassessment of values and a re-ordering of priorities. And often a new sense of purpose. At its best, grief can open the heart to newly experience and express compassion, empathy, and love, when we realize that we are never truly alone in our sadness and suffering. Here's the irony: How can something borne of subtraction leave us such valuable gifts? We men share our stories to show you.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: B0C8QYW586
• ISBN13: 9798364287892
• Release Date: June 2023
• Publisher: Independently published
• Length: 128 Pages
• Weight: 0.55 lbs.
• Dimensions: 9.0" x 0.3" x 6.0"