Living Two Lives: Married to a Man and in Love with a Woman

by Joanne Fleisher

Book Overview

A licensed clinical social worker, Fleisher presents this guide (culled from her own personal experiences) to help married women navigate the often complicated stages of coming out. In addition,... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1555839185
• ISBN13: 9781555839185
• Release Date: January 2005
• Publisher: Alyson Books
• Length: 193 Pages
• Weight: 0.50 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 5.5" x 8.5"

Customer Reviews

A Gentle, Practical, Extremely Valuable Book Handling a Sensitive Subject

***** This is a gentle and honest book for self-inquiry for those women who are married and questioning their sexual identity. It helps you to sort out the myriad of complex feelings that ensue when you are in love with another woman, wish you were in love with another woman, wonder if what's wrong with your marriage is that you really belong with a woman, and more. In this sorting out, the author is kind and non-judgmental of diverse beliefs, and does not have an agenda---feminist or otherwise---in the courses of action that would be best for the reader; instead she helps you to find the answers that are right for you. The book facilitates this self-searching by a terrific format. It is organized into chapters by topic, including: questioning, finding your sexual identity, examining your marriage, husbands' responses, managing the roller coaster, girlfriends, helping your children, and support. The chapters are full of gentle questioning and supportive ways of dealing with what is inevitably a difficult time in a woman's life, no matter what the outcome. Then, at the end of each chapter, there is a section called "What You Can Do Now"---simple actions that you really can do, even if you're uncertain and up-in-the-air about so much else. Each of these action sections is broken up into several parts like: "Remind yourself..." (with good things to remind yourself of---for example, "Self-understanding is not a linear process. I may take one step backward for every two steps forward."), "Ask yourself this question..." (a thought-provoking question related to the chapter topic---for example, "What messages about sexuality, direct or covert, did I get from my parents, teachers, clergy, friends? And which do I continue to hold inside me?"), "Practice this technique for handling your feelings..." (a do-able and helpful coping technique---for example, keeping your focus on staying in the present), and "Take one step..." (a concrete action step that you can take, as opposed to one that you are unsure about---for example, making a timeline of the key sexual events in your life and how they shaped your thoughts about your sexuality). These action sections help you on what is a lengthy and patient journey. The book helps you to realize that you are not alone, that other women have been where you are. It does not sugar-coat the process of exploring your sexual identity, however. It is realistic and presents the difficulties and potential costs as well as the benefits of such a journey. The biggest gift this book gave me is that it helped me to not feel so scared---as do most women when thinking about huge life changes. It helped me to see that I would be okay no matter what choices my future held. It is also an excellent book to be read not only by the woman who is questioning her sexuality, but by the woman's husband, girlfriend, adult children, or those who simply wish to understand this difficult process that is so seldom written about in such a s

Letter Written to the Author

Hi Joanne, I have been reading Living Two Lives and am grateful for it. I found > myself, at first, wishing that I had had it three years ago...what an <br />> ordeal! Falling in love with a woman for the first time....having been <br />> married for eighteen years with two daughters...total rejection by <br />> family and a very strict religion... <br />> <br />> But for now....I find that it is helping me to step back and give <br />> myself the time that I need to figure out how I really feel. You <br />> stress this beautifully in the book. The personal accounts are <br />> pertinent. Your own story peppered throughout is intriguing because <br />> you have insights into all aspects of this emotional roller coaster <br />> ride that we find ourselves on. I appreciated the suggestions at the <br />> end of each chapter: things to think about...things to work <br />> on....reminders...it's like having a friend to hold your hand as you <br />> traverse the slippery slope of self-discovery and awareness...one that <br />> can be terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. Thank you <br />> for writing it. Thank you for sharing yourself with the rest of us. <br />

Feels Like I'm In The Book

This book is awesome. It's helped me overcome alot of confusion. It's so helpful to not only me but my husband as well. This book is the book I never thought would be for sale and for that I'm glad it is!! I feel like she's talking about me in the book. It's so at home for me. It's not confusing and she's not misleading in the book. No way in the book does it ever limit your options in life. You will get so much help by reading this book. I recommend it over any other book!

Literally a Lifesaver

For any married woman who is questioning her sexual identity, this book may literally be a lifesaver, as a tsunami of emotions ... incredulity, shame, fear, self-loathing, remorse, guilt, ambivalence ... grief ... often accentuates the transition from one self-identity to another. The mental and spiritual turmoil can be brutal on the psyche, even unbearable at times. "Living Two Lives" lands right on the mark, as Joanne Fleisher capitalizes on her own personal experiences; the personal experiences of her clients; a fluid, organized writing style; and her professional credentials to show us how to survive, and ultimately flourish in the newfound awareness that we are attracted to, perhaps even in love with another woman. Please, however, do not mistake this book for a simple-solution, or a how-to on marital breakups. Instead, Joanne guides the reader in discovering her authentic self, in assessing the qualities of the marriage, in considering the effects on the children, and in making the best decision based on her own timeframe. Some women will choose to remain married, while others will opt for separation and divorce. We are encouraged by some of the interviewees, that even in the aftermath of such drastic change, relationships with spouses and children can actually improve, regardless of the decision to stay or to move on. Three years ago, I attended one of Joanne's weekend seminars. Although I didn't realize it at the time, the seminar was a turning point for me, the time when I began to believe that I am still an okay person, that I am not alone in this phenomena, that I deserve to be happy, and that the power to do so is within me. I finally stopped thinking about suicide. The basic concepts from that seminar are now available in "Living Two Lives". I am indebted to Joanne for cultivating in me the courage to live. Muchas gracias, Joanne! Lynn M.

A important book for lay audiences and professionals alike

This insightful and comprehensive book, offers invaluable guidance to married women who are struggling with their feelings for another woman. Drawing on 20 years of experience as a psychotherapist, Joanne Fleisher writes of both the joys and terrors these women face. The reader may be comforted to know that she is not alone and the experiences of others, including Joanne herself, will demonstrate the range of options open to her. Throughout this book, the reader is supported in the discovery her personal truth which will inform her as she navigates the road ahead.