Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide

By Tracy Schorn

Book Overview

This no-nonsense guide is for anyone who has ever been cheated on and needs advice--not based on saving their relationship after infidelity--but saving their sanity.

In the infidelity literature, cheaters get all the glory--their unmet needs, commitment challenges, and love triangle drama. They are the glamorous taboo breakers, star-crossed lovers, and rebels against the hegemonic forces of monogamy. Chumps (the betrayed partners) by contrast are the dullards left out of the discourse. When mentioned, it's to discuss how they failed to enchant and must "own their part" in their partner's infidelity.

Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life puts the attention squarely on the cheated-upon. Written by a former chump, it's a resource that champions self-respect. It doesn't assume reconciliation or buy the victim-blaming narrative that we compel people to cheat on us by our inadequacies (or can win them back by being nicer). Instead, it puts responsibility for affairs squarely on cheaters and their crappy character. It also has a good time lampooning the absurd self-centeredness of cheating.

Based on the writings of Tracy Schorn's popular infidelity blog ChumpLady.com, Schorn offers a masterclass on how to decode manipulation, fight back, and focus on gaining a life after betrayal.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0762458968
• ISBN13: 9780762458967
• Release Date: May 2016
• Publisher: Running Press Adult
• Length: 240 Pages
• Weight: 1.00 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 5.5" x 8.2"

Customer Reviews

The Lowest Vibing Support System You’ll Find For Navigating Infidelity

Tracy Schorn is not a therapist. She has no degree to support her statements. She has not written peer reviewed studies. She is not trained in the field she is monetizing. She has a degree in history. She draws cartoons. She paints. She attacks all kinds of people on the internet via her blog. She said she started her blog for healing, but I think she’s missed the mark because she doesn’t seem healed at all. She has been married 3 times. My opinion: she’s a woman who has spent her time between 2006 and now projecting her experience with infidelity and her pain from that onto others so she can avoid her own accountability. Tracy believes in humiliating people who challenge her. She tries to control the narrative with name calling and hurtful personal attacks that many in her “chump nation” happily jump on board with. She jumps to conclusions. She becomes very angry when she feels criticized. She is unable to have civil conversations when triggered. She manipulates conversations more like a trial attorney in a courtroom and lies just like one to try to prove herself. She takes important matters out of context and uses them for create click-bait on her website. Tracy is not interested in helping women navigate infidelity unless they belly up to the exact coping mechanisms she reaches for. She is not interested in allowing other women to reveal what her blind spots mean for them or helping them chart their own path with support and dignity. If you don’t agree with her on everything you are worthless and she will see to it that she rounds up a band of people to support her and attack you. I would not waste a single penny on a used book she wrote, let alone a new copy. If you have been cheated on and you are struggling, get yourself into therapy. It’s something Tracy probably wouldn’t do, but it’s something you can feel proud of doing for yourself. If you feel you were abused find a therapist who is trauma informed and explore it. Take the very best care of your mind and body. Trust your own feelings. Read books by people with real credentials. Journal. Rest. Process your grief. Think deeply. Stretch. Breathe. Take on chores or hobbies that use your hands when you feel overwhelmed in thought. Immerse yourself in nature. Treat yourself with love every single day. Leave toxic people like Tracy out of your healing journey. And if you’ve got children to think of, think about how her fixated advice will affect your relationship with your kids 10-20 years from now.

Essential reading for the victim of a cheater

If you or someone you love has been cheated on, this is the book you need to help you to move forward and to reclaim your sanity. This book has surely saved lives! Her website and podcasts are also wonderful and incredibly helpful. Highly recommended!