Revised Edition 2021 Where's my joy? My words trembling like my body, which is by now sweaty and dirty from crying for the last three hours. Tired and mentally exhausted from the hell that seemed to find me in this life without an ounce of mercy and to add insult to injury, today I was facing an eviction by five o clock. From the home, I worked so hard to build. The only thing working utility in my apartment for the last thirty days was my telephone and I had to lie on my back to get that bill paid, however, this would be the one time I would not answer it as it began to ring. How did I get here, to this place of desperation? Where death seemed to be the only way for me to be free from this current pain. I believed God owed me a different life other than this one. I would not wait until he decided when I would die, hell, he decided everything else, and it was not working for me. Lifting the .38 caliber from the coffee table, I loaded one bullet and put it to my temple; I cursed God "and pulled the trigger. Problem solved!
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