The intent for this book- the words and the reality of my past- was always meant to inspire others who may have felt a similar experience in their own youth. Since its first publication in 2022, I have come to accept more things that I did not fully do so in this book; I have learned through the perspective of others that even though this was my experience, my family doesn't share the same view of the events. And in truth, that is okay. There are limitless views through the human strain: what our parents remember is never as we remember; our siblings themselves recollect things far better or worse than you yourself had viewed them. But that's trauma- inexplicably complex. Even more so when you're given the perspective of others who were in that moment present. I have changed no wordings but this very paragraph and the next two.
I am not a therapist, nor a psychologist; the truth is plain and simple- I'm human. Therefore, even if you don't relate to my reality, there are moments in your very existence that may come to you with the same emotions. I was told to finds better means to express myself, and these pages hold those very thoughts, emotions and secrets I long held. I had written in hopes to inspire, as I stated, but also to release all that had been repressed by shame, guilt and doubt. These pages are not meant to hurt my family, but to speak in written letters what I never spoke aloud.
As I did for weeks on end, grab a notebook or paper, and write what you are willing to. There is no judgement from me, therefore there should be none from you to yourself.
Matthias Santiago
January 2025