In Quiet Desperation: Understanding The Challenge Of Same-gender Attraction

By Fred Matis, Marilyn Matis, Ty Mansfield

Book Overview

Most likely, someone you know is living a life of quiet desperation, struggling with feelings of same-gender attraction. In an effort to help Latter-day Saints understand and reach out to those who... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1590383311
• ISBN13: 9781590383315
• Release Date: January 2004
• Publisher: Deseret Book Company
• Length: 292 Pages
• Weight: 0.98 lbs.
• Dimensions: 6.0" x 0.7" x 9.0"
• Age Range: 16 years and up

Customer Reviews

Gives Hope to Those Struggling with the Challenge of SGA

This is a wonderful book that gave me and so many others struggling with same-gender attraction hope. I know of many who have become frustrated because the change they sought did not come as quickly as they wanted, did not come as easily as they would like, or did not come in the manner they expected. For those that feel this way, this book indeed brings renewed hope. I have heard several people say that this book is against change. On the contrary, this book is supportive of spiritual change and growth and placing the time-table for overcoming this challenge in the Lord's hands. For some, this challenge may be overcome in this life. But the Lord may ask others of us to endure this "thorn in the flesh" throughout our mortal estate. Regardless, the message of this book teaches us that we can be worthy in the sight of the Lord, that we have eternal worth, and that there is a place for us in His Kingdom. No more or less is expected of us than any of the rest of God's children. I have the deepest of gratitude for Ty Mansfield and Fred and Marilyn Matis for writing this book.

No other book quite like this one

Ty Mansfield, as a 20-something young man, has shown in his writings in this wonderful book incredible insights and a profound understanding of how Gospel principles really apply to people with same-sex attraction challenges. As a 40-something guy who is finding my way through these same challenges, I can testify that Ty's understandings are correct and the kind of truth that can help us find the ultimate solutions. This book is not necessarily a step-by-step how-to guide, like Jason Park's books (such as Resolving Homosexual Problems: A Guide for LDS Men, available from Evergreen International), but I have never seen Gospel principles pondered in a way that applies so much to our struggles as I have read in Ty's book. I highly recommend it to everyone, SSA strugglers and non-strugglers alike. And the first 50 pages are the personal story of the parents of Stuart Matis, who sadly took his life before finding the answers that many of us are now finding. Their story and their obvious dedication to the Gospel of Jesus Christ and to the principle of Christ-like love are very impressive and motivating. Get it. Read it. Pray about the principles it discusses. You will be glad you did.

A how-to book on saving lives.

This book took some courage to write, particularly since the authors used their real names and related such personal experiences. I am grateful to them. This topic is a sensitive one and so frequently misunderstood. The choice required of members of the LDS Church is agonizing: give up your sexual identity or give up the church. For many, the decision is heart wrenching. In a gallant effort to address this issue, Ty Mansfield has written a very mature and insightful account of his own struggles and some of the ways he has chosen to deal with them. As he is only 26, I'm afraid he has a long, hard road ahead of him and I wish him well. Most gay people within the LDS church deal just fine with passing temptations. The true challenge for Ty will come when he falls quietly, desperately in love. I hope then he will see the magnitude of the sacrifice church members twice his age have made to quietly, desperately cling to the Gospel. Fred and Marilyn Matis also deserve a huge "thank you" for so movingly relating the story of their son, Stuart. Their reward will surely be in the lives saved, both young and old.

Breaking the Silence

For most of my life I have struggled to reconcile my feelings of same-gender attraction with my heart-felt Christian and LDS convictions. More accurately, I have tried to pray, fast, ignore, obey, work, and psychoanalyze away the feelings that always seemed so incongruent with my faith. Like many others, these efforts have taught me many things, and, I think, brought me closer to the Savior, but have not eliminated the attractions. Also like many others, I have spent considerable time and energy beating myself up over my percieved failure. I finally decided to trust others enough to leave the contradiction of anguished security that I found in my own "quiet desperation." Some of the simple truths I learned, the ones that have helped me find happiness and true security, are beautifully taught and expanded upon by the authors of this book. They describe the difference between a temptation and an action, and which of the two we should worry most about. They explain that homosexual, straight, white, green, whatever... none of us are all that different; everyone regardless of his or her challenges needs to come to the Father through Christ, and is only safe by doing so. They aren't satisfied with simply declaring that there is a place in the kingdom for all, (including the same-gender attracted), who live its standards. Rather, they teach that there is work for ALL OF US to do in bringing others to the table as well-that everyone's efforts are welcome and needed to build the kingdom. Most importantly they testify of the infinite reach of Christ's atonement and of his power to succor, heal, forgive and make us more like Him. They offer the hope that, even if those like me will never succesfully eliminate their feelings of same-gender attraction in this life, there is still much happiness, purpose, and peace promised in this life, and a restoration of all things in the next through Christ's infinite mercy. This book is written to those who experience, and those who love someone that experiences, same-gender attraction. However, it expounds on doctrine that is applicable to anyone, (that would be all of us), who experiences heartache, trials, and whose lives just aren't going to turn the way we planned. I believe that people who experience the same struggles that I do, as well as those who don't, can draw strength from the principles taught in this book. I am grateful that the authors were brave enough to produce something so personal. I am also grateful to those at Deseret Book who dared to publish a potentially controversial work. I believe that there must be risk to all involved. But the result is a text that is courageously, believably genuine, and a message that breaches the silence of a desperately quiet subject.

From a mother's heart

I have just completed reading "In Quiet Deseration", and my heart is so full of gratitude for the author's and their decision to share their experiences with 'same gender attraction'. Nearly 3 years ago my son, married father of 6, took his own life after struggling for over 30 years to keep this secret part of himself in check. He was a devoted member of the Church, but sadly, could find no solace or hope for his own challenge. Anyone reading this book should find their testimony strengthened, their desire to follow Christ bolstered, and their love and compassion for others enhanced by the experiences and profound insights shared in this book. Since beginning this book, I have prayed daily for Brother Mansfield and the difficulties he faces every day as he remains true to his faith and wholly committed to discipleship and following the Savior. I am re-examining my own commitment and feel a greater desire to follow the Savior wherever He leads me. Such is the impact of this very spirit filled book.