I'm Sean Connery: A Comedy Play

By Mr Steven Kelly

I'M SEAN CONNERY (A Comedy)

"The name is Bond. James Bond. Or at least it is until the meds kick in."

Welcome to Hammond House, a psychiatric ward where the only thing more dangerous than the patients' delusions is their grasp of 1980s football trivia.

I'M SEAN CONNERY is a riotous, 6-act satirical farce that blurs the line between clinical reality and cinematic fantasy. At the centre of the storm is Ivan Asticov, a patient whose mental health condition leads him to adopt a new celebrity persona every week with 100% commitment. This week, he is Sean Connery-and he's on a mission that the hospital staff can't stop.

The Mission:

From the gritty "Q-Branch" of the men's toilets-where a janitor presents a new toilet seat as a piece of aerospace technology-to a high-stakes dream sequence featuring the villainous Dr. "Blofeld" Chap'dArse and the lethal "Medicine Finger," Ivan's world is a high-octane spy thriller.

The Chaos:

The stakes reach a fever pitch when an official from the Lottery arrives with a 13 million jackpot for a "Mr. Sean Connery." Suddenly, every patient in the ward-including the fierce "Sean Connery Sisters"-claims the identity for themselves. What follows is a whirlwind of mistaken identity, Panini sticker bribes, and a legal standoff that leaves the local police quite literally with their pants down.

Why You Should Read (or Stage) This Play:

6-Act Structure: A full-length theatrical tour-de-force that balances rapid-fire dialogue with physical comedy.

Absurdist Satire: A biting look at identity, authority, and the "Muppet of the Year" competition.

Unique Characters: Featuring a cast of unforgettable misfits, from the inventor of the "Arsehole Scratcher" to a Bond Girl who thinks she's Purdey from The New Avengers.

Written by Stevie Faith, this is a play where the martini is lukewarm hospital tea, the gadgets are plumbing supplies, and the ending is a punchline you won't see coming.

"Sh-mashing." - Ivan Asticov (Probably)

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1068298235
• ISBN13: 9781068298233
• Release Date: January 2026
• Publisher: Stevie Faith Publishing
• Length: 148 Pages
• Weight: 0.34 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.3" x 5.0" x 8.0"