If Only: How to Turn Regret Into Opportunity

By Neal Roese

Book Overview

If you spend a lot of time thinking about "what might have been," you're not alone. In "If Only," Neal Roese, Ph.D., one of the world's top scientists studying regret, shows us that thoughts about... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0767915771
• ISBN13: 9780767915779
• Release Date: January 2005
• Publisher: Harmony
• Length: 256 Pages
• Weight: 1.10 lbs.
• Dimensions: 9.6" x 0.9" x 6.4"

Customer Reviews

I Did not Regret Reading This Book

This is a great read that explains how our minds work to protect us from ourselves, in a sense. If only(regrets)turn out to be helpful, in almost all instances, to help us either take constructive action or to reframe what we can not change. This is something that our minds does automatically after an action or inaction, and is the way that it immunizes us against always feeling bad about our sins of ommission or commission (though the feeling lasts a lot longer for the former). It's encouraging that we not only do this automatically, but that awareness of the process allows us to be alert to some opportunities in specific types of situations and to make better decisions. My only criticism is that an illustration or table may have been helpful in reinforcing the difference and the impact of a downward counterfactual vs. an upward counterfactual.

If Only It Could be...

Shorter? 100 pages fewer? A bit more humorous? Less repetitious? I love the idea of this book, and large portions of it were interesting, but found it to be a "much of a muchness." I think cutting the book by 100 page by quoting fewer research studies would have made this a more agreeable and popular. As it is, I'm not sure if this book is meant to be psychology? Philosophy? Research? That said, the concept is fascinating and this book is worth a read.

Embrace This Message

At first I was not clear of the message author Neal Roese was sending - until I really dug into the text of this excellent book. He uses the metaphor of a simple coin flip and the "two potentials morphing into one" - to explain the "factual" taking form in a simple turn of events. I was afraid this would be a book that pointed at the "what is wrong" with life. Instead, Roese teaches the reader how to move from "woe is me" into (in the words of Thoreau which are in the book) "making the most of your regrets, never smother sorrow, but tend and cherish it until it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh." A-ha, I said, as I read along nodding. I also appreciated the balance of half of the book being explanations and examples and half the book being "putting counterfactuals to work for you." Sometimes books like this explain it all and then do very little with application. This book really assists and empowers the reader to apply what they have learned. My favorite quote in the book is "Neglecting the messages of your own emotions can mean persisting in counterproductive behaviors and missing unique opportunities for growth and renewel." YES! No more denial of emotions, instead - we learn how to use them positively through what Roese calls, harnessing regret to create new action rather than suppressing regret. Yes, I am convinced - more of us need to read and embrace this message.

Puts every day thought into context!

Since I was rear ended last year, and during my struggles to recover, I've often thought: "If only I had taken the other route I could have avoided all this." In reading this book, Dr Neal Roese undercovers that that type of thinking is not only normal, it is healthy. Indeed I could have been in one of his study sample groups as wondering "if only" has helped me to positively move forward at many points in my life. Congratulations Dr Roese on presenting the science of counterfactuals in such a reader-friendly way. Anyone who strives for better in career, love, relationships or family should read this.

A Successful Fusion of Science with Self-Help

Professor Roese's new book has been a surprise and a delight. His ability to explain, with wide-ranging and pertinent examples we can all relate to, the scientific concepts and research results that have guided his academic career, is both impressive and long overdue in such "populist" books. This is one of the few books we will see in the personal development or self help shelves which is in fact underpinned with credible, mainstream, and up to date science. Neal Roese comes across as a wise, informative, and very accessible conversationalist, yet he does not do what is all too common in other books of this ilk...become shrill, preachy, or "therapeutic". The message of his book, which speaks to those of us who in fact DO have regrets and conflicts, and who cannot simply push them aside or "get real" as per other authors, is upbeat without the typical rah-rah naivity seen so commonly elsewhere. I would recommend this book without hesitation.