How to Eat Like a Republican: Or, Hold the Mayo, Muffy--I'm Feeling Miracle Whipped Tonight

By Susanne Grayson Townsend

This is part cookbook, part how-to for non-Republicans, part payback ("Thanks, Mom, for all the swell tricks with Lipton Onion Soup Mix"), and part sheer revenge, as in for one horrifying night when the author was invited to dinner by a coven of Democrats under the pretext of eating a decent whole roasted prime tenderloin and was cruelly served a whole roasted baby tuna. Her date, a Republican fish-hater (a Republican redundancy, by the way, see Chapter 3, Fish), memorably reacted by getting dead drunk and passing out at the table with his face in the tuna. This capriciously organized collection of the kinds of homey recipes Republicans grow up on pays little regard to attribution, since, in the words of the author, "Nobody ever remembers where the recipe originally came from anyway."

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0812971027
• ISBN13: 9780812971026
• Release Date: July 2004
• Publisher: Villard Books
• Length: 192 Pages
• Weight: 0.90 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 6.1" x 9.2"

Customer Reviews

The recipes are a bonus

Besides the excellent reviews of the book, I originally ordered this book to drive the liberals at work crazy. My wife and I started to review the recipes and cute little write-ups. What great recipes and comments. If you are looking for a cookbook to compete on Top Chef, this book is not for you. If you are looking for simple home recipes with humorous write-ups that your family can enjoy, then this book is for you.

Extremely funny and useful

Not just for your republican friends. Democrats will get a good laugh from this one too but surely won't enjoy the recipes as much. These will be Christmas gifts for many of our friends but shhh, don't tell them.

Here's something else to blame on Slick Willy ! ! !

A Republican cook book? Only in America. I've been to lots of bean bakes, goat ropings, tribal fairs, wooly sheep ridings and Republican teas -- and until now I thought Republicans lived by caterers alone. I'm shocked. Can America be a global hyperpower if Republicans learn to boil water without burning it, to cook macaroni and even make meat loaf? Meat loaf? Would you believe a 'Bacon Cheeseburger Meat Loaf'? Granted, it's probably a little more tasty and nutritious than the meat loaf the Republican Sheriff Joke feeds prison inmates in Maricopa County. But then, these are seriously delicious recipes. By the same token, there isn't a recipe for any Democratic beans, hot dogs or baking powder (cowboy) biscuits. In other words, this is an Original Meaning all Natural Law and Back-to-Basics Republican cookbook. It'll do your Constitution good. After years of cooking the books, it's nice to know Republicans can now cook an "Irene Halligan's Mighty Mac and Cheese" dish. As for secrets, this book also explains the mystery of those WMDs no one could find in Iraq; the initials really mean 'Whiskey of Much Delight' and refers to Jack Daniels. For the Born Again crowd, there's a 'Jack Daniel Died for Your Sins Whiskey . . . recipe.' It calls for "2 tablespoons Jack Daniel's Black Label." Now, you just known any Democratic recipe would start with "1 quart store brand vodka . . . " It's a fun book. You you want to know just how authentic it is? Let me tell you. Right up front, in the "Acknowledgements," Townsend blames the Clinton administration. I kid you not. She writes, ". . .a special and heartfelt thanks to the Clinton administration who taught me the most valuable lesson of all: in America, you can get away with anything, including a cookbook called 'How to Eat Like a Republican'." It's almost as if Dick Cheney wrote the introduction. It's a fun book. Republicans can have a ton of laughs reading about "Spotted Dick Nixon" (suet and raisins), "Pat Buchanan's Buffalo Right Wings" and "Rush's Mom's Fluffy Potato Casserole" (it explains why he's as smart as a boiled potato). Care for some "DAR Deviled Eggs"? How about an "Unimpeachable Peach Cobbler" in case Slick Willy comes to visit? Or an "Calvin Cooler" (named for the president, not the comic strip). Thirsty? Try Dad's Margarita" (4 ounces Jack Daniels Black Label, ice). Maybe it's anominous omen for November, "If you can't stand the heat in the Oval Office, get into the kitchen." If that happens, look for a Democratic sequel next year, "How to Order Lunch at the Country Club without Sounding Like a Democrat."

Witty, Delightful and Fun!

Forget the carbs, forget the fat content - Go for a fun adventure into some rather unusual recipes of some high ranking Republicans! This little book is written in the style of a very talented new writer - sure to please your appetite in many ways!