How To Become A Professional Stand-Up Comedian: What I Told The 9-1-1 Operator: [20th Joke Book]

By Mr. Ashley A Lenartson III

I wrote this funny comedy book 4 people who like being amused, insulted and made to laugh. Don't take what I say personally as that's not the purpose of Comedy: I'm here to make you laugh your butt off. Go Now: read these jokesI fell, slipped on my dildo and got a bruised wrectum. Then I was trying to f*ck my bff and what happens? I get a sprained penis. Could it get any worse? I gave myself 2, count 'em two roofies and woke up w/ my pants between my legs and a bloody a**hole. I called 9-1-1 and they said, "Bbbilly this is the 5th time you've called this WEEK. Do us a favor and put your dildo away, don't try to f*ck your bff too hard and stay away from the roofies" ...then they hung up on me...I was going to ask them to send me a 'Hot Cop' but WTF Guess I'll have to do it all over again...According to my good friend Ryan, you can say to a hot cop "I think you could use a really good blowjob," without repercussions. You can say anything you like to a cop as long as you use the word "think" and you don't threaten them. Maybe. Response to a guy w/ a Superman outfit on online from CraigslistAnyone who puts on any outfit like the one you are wearing 1. might have low self-esteem. 2. wants to save the world. 3. takes themselves and life MUCH too seriously. See point one as these two go hand in hand (must love self-100%). 4. likes to think they are the character they are wearing. 5. more power to YOU. 6. can you act because if you can I have a part for you? It's called Hollyweird (ohhh ) w/ a script. PEACE, LOVE, UNDERSTANDING, WHITE LIGHT & HEALING And, yes I'm losing your number. LOVE YOURSELF JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE Don't take any of this personally. I'm not. I'm laughing about everything that I did write. More power to you. Thanks for helping me to heal. Laugh more often. Laugh 50++ times per day. It will make you happier in the long run. It releases those endorphins which release Serotonin and that makes you happier. It helps me to be FREE: I am a God. You are a God. YOU are SUPERMAN Have Fun Fun FUN w your brand new life My response to board posts on Manhunt, a gay pickup site for men who like sucking cock, etc.I'm looking for a friend, "undetectable," heavy set, thin as a rail, blank messages, what are you into, new to this site, new to town, just flew in from LA, had a bad day - Howie Day from Bangor, ME, wondering how you are doing, can I tear you a new a**hole, more blank messages, only into younger, only into older, having a mid-life crisis, my wife dumped me, the children, the dog and cat ran away, looking for a relationship, etc. I'm NOT GAY, but MY OTHER BF IS...Shit Fuck, Inc. That's the name of my company.If somebody decides they don't like you, that's their issue, not yours: The goal is to not respond to that persons negativity as then you end up in a verbal fight and you don't need that. When they keep tripping up your wires ask them, "What did I ever do to you?" Let them respond then say, "What you don't like in me you don't like in yourself." They keep disparaging you just walk away.https: //tinyurl.com/d4msmg8 Thank You for Purchasing my Filthy Comedy Book TODAY...FREE Comedy Track when you ask me for it thru facebook ONLY...https: //www.urbandictionary.com/add.phpProcrasturbation - The art of masturbating and avoiding cumming so that you can hold on to your energy "chi" instead of wasting it on a useless .gif, .jpg or Internet Meme that has its eyes on YOU and won't let go. "I procrasturbated last night and right before I came, I punched myself in the groin. I'll never do that again. Now, I've got a bruised ball sac thanks to that useless .gif that had my eyes for at least 5 seconds." Submitted by Little Blo Peephttps: //www.urbandictionary.com/add.phpCrack Filler - I need somebody for asphalt work to fill my crack: any takers...the job is easy and all you have to do is fill my crack...Welcome to Shithole, Maine: Maine really is a shithole. Believe THAT

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1796524832
• ISBN13: 9781796524833
• Release Date: February 2019
• Publisher: Independently Published
• Length: 42 Pages
• Weight: 0.35 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.1" x 8.5" x 11.0"