HOLY CRAP
Winner of the International Firebird Book Awards: 1st Place for Humor 2025
'Holy Crap', by John J Jessop, is not your typical private investigator murder mystery-it's MUCH BETTER. A laugh out loud story where a husband-and-wife team of investigators are drawn into a serial murder case which involves the principal of a local school who also runs an organized crime empire, illegal drugs, a baseball bat welding bouncer at the local strip club, and an escaped gorilla from the local zoo. Jason and Chelsea Longfellow try to piece together the evidence to uncover the downtown killer even as Jason remains fixated on eating chocolate donuts and Chelsea keeps stuffing the crime lord/principal into his own office trash can. Does it all make sense until the end? Of course not But you will have a great time following the exploits of this most unusual team of investigators Rick Spees, Author, Capitol Gains, Capitol Losses
The private eye firm of 'Chelsea Longfellow, PI and Associate' includes Dr. Jason Longfellow and his nurse wife Chelsea, a couple of amateur sleuths. It's named after her because he's a dysfunctional PI, she's the real deal, and they used her inheritance to fund the business. Together they are a hilarious hot mess. After solving several scary murder cases, Chelsea moves the family to the safe suburbs of the small city of Intoxication Junction. They open a home PI office above their garage so she can be there for their daughters. She also enrolls the girls in a private school for safety. What could possibly go wrong?
A widow hires the PI couple to investigate the brutal murder of her husband, an accountant working for the private school. The headmaster turns out to be a misogynist who runs the school with patriarchal principles, and Chelsea stuffs him headfirst into his own trash can. He might also be a local crime boss. A local doctor sells anabolic steroids and amphetamines to student athletes, and a sure-fire cure for a drinking problem to their parents. The girls' basketball team, with a perfect record, resembles a Russian female Olympic weightlifter's team. Chelsea suspects the headmaster of being the downtown killer; Jason's prime suspect is an escaped gorilla. When Jason goes undercover at the local strip club and gets thrown out by the bouncer for bad behavior, twice, Chelsea becomes desperate to solve the case before she strangles her husband. Then the headmaster threatens one of her daughters, and mama bear turns out to be one scary lady.
John J Jessop and his wife live in St. Augustine, Florida. He enjoys writing, walks on the beach, driving his Subaru WRX, and taking naps. His favorite authors are Robert B. Parker, Janet Evanovich, and Dave Barry. His heroes are Steve Martin, Gene Wilder, Dan Ackroyd, Bill Murray, and Mel Brooks, as in comedy of the absurd. Studies have shown that laughter is the best medicine and taking life too seriously can kill you.
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