I have lied to people, manipulated them, put my hands on them, gossiped and shared their most intimate of secrets that were entrusted to me. I created pain inside people, and in others, a mistrust and lack of respect. And it was all intentional. I say this because I knew right from wrong, but I cannot say why I did these things.
However, I can say I did them, and that I am truly sorry for the pain I inflicted, for the arguments I caused and the hurt I crafted. I bled on others and I shared this rage like I was entitled. I wasn't a bad person, but I was not innocent in my life's journey, and I took the time to learn from these shameful actions. Like a cycle, the more I heal, the more truth reveals itself. At times what I thought was love, was lust, and I was holding on too tightly to pain, living for the excuse it gave me to be an asshole.
This is the unapologetic story of my truth, of those that broke me, and those that lifted me into healing.