Herrings Go about the Sea in Shawls: ...and Other Classic Howlers from Classrooms and Examinations Papers

by Alexander Abingdon

A polygon is a dead parrot. Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration and then expectoration. They gave William IV a lovely funeral. It took six men to carry the beer. This priceless... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0670877514
• ISBN13: 9780670877515
• Release Date: November 1997
• Publisher: Viking Books
• Length: 106 Pages
• Weight: 0.40 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 4.7" x 7.8"

Customer Reviews

Fun to read, 77 years later!

In 1931, Alexander Abingdon wrote a thin book titled "Boners". It was a collection of answers to questions in a broad range of disciplines. The book was illustrated by Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel). This book is the 1997 retooling of that original book. I can't really tell from the snippets the ages or grades of the students that came up with these "boners". Unfortunately, I wouldn't be surprised if they were college students! Some of the student answers are funny because they are silly or horrible. Others are funny because there is a greater truth in the botched answer than in the right one! You decide. Here are some examples: "Celibacy is the crime a priest commits when he marries." "Faith is that quality which enables us to believe what we know to be untrue." [ouch!] "A monologue is a conversation between two people, such as husband and wife." "A polygon is a man who has many wives." "A polygon is a dead parrot." "Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name." Use of the word, "asterisk". "Last night my father got drunk and made an asterisk out of himself." "Michael Angelo painted the dome of the Sistine Madonna." "In Christianity a man can only have one wife. This is called Monotony." "Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines." [Dr. Suess had fun illustrating this one.] "The first book in the Bible is Guinness." "The Bible is against bigamy when it says that no man can serve two masters." "Christianity was introduced into Britain by the Romans in 55 B.C." "Asked to name six animals peculiar to the Arctic regions, a boy relied: 'Three bears and three seals.'" "The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes." "China is called China because the first china was made there." "Science is material. Religion is immaterial." "The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made men think." "The zebra is like the horse only striped, and is chiefly used to illustrate the letter Z." "To remove air from a flask, fill the flask with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick." "Chlorine gas is very injurious to the human body, and the following experiments should, therefore, only be performed on the teacher." "A magnet is a thing you find in a bad apple." [think about it...] "To fill an apparatus with acidulated water, turn on the taps and acidulate." "Define the elements. 'Mustard, pepper, salt and vinegar.'" "A polygon with seven sides is called a hooligan." "Describe the hardships of the Crusaders on their way to the Holy Land. 'Many of them died of salvation.'" "The conquest of Ireland began in 1170 and is still going on." "They gave William IV a lovely funeral. It took six men to carry the beer." "Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? 'At the bottom.'" "Masculine, man; feminine, woman; neuter, corpse." Translate LXXX: "Love and kisses." "Where are the Kings of England crowned? On their heads." "The wife of a duke is a ducky." "Certainly he pleas

Amusing and cleverly illustrated

I own an original copy of this wonderful publication entitled The Omnibus Boners. It was copyrighted in 1931. I loved it as a small boy and refer to it often for the delightful quotations. It is a wonder filled collection of what actually go's on in the juvenile mind. The writings are genuine and as an amusing sidelight, they expose the changes in our educational standards since 1931. Dr. Seuss' illustrations are sometimes reminiscent of his later publications like Horton, Cat in the Hat, Grinch, etc..