Giraffes? Giraffes!

By Bennie Haggis-on-Whey, Doris Haggis-on-Whey, Benny Haggis-on-Whey

Book Overview

For many years the scientific and educational communities have wondered and worried about the possibility that semi-sane scholar-pretenders would find the means to publish a series of reference books aimed at children but filled with ludicrous misinformation. These books would be distributed through respectable channels and would inevitably find their ways into the hands and households of well-meaning families, who would go to them for facts but instead find bizarre untruths. The books would look normal enough, but would read as if written by people who have eaten too many lead-based paint chips. Giraffes? Giraffes! is the first in a proposed series of 377 reference books, all written by a couple now getting their chance to twist and tickle the brains of the impressionable. The book puts forth the following novel theories: that giraffes were not part of any evolutionary chain, but came here from Neptune, by way of very long (but convenient and fast) escalators; that giraffes are expert dancers, but become angry if asked about their dancing; that giraffes control over 90 percent of what we see in mirrors; and that the Giraffe navy is as strong as ever, contrary to recent claims in the popular press.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1932416978
• ISBN13: 9781932416978
• Release Date: February 2008
• Publisher: McSweeney's Publishing
• Length: 64 Pages
• Weight: 1.22 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.4" x 9.2" x 12.1"
• Age Range: 9 to 12 years
• Grade Range: Grades 4 to 7

Customer Reviews

The Queen Of Norway: Sworn Enemy Of All Giraffes!

Yes, it's true, the Queen of Norway is a sworn enemy of all giraffes, as are Gila monsters, millipedes, toucans, Lee Iacocca (and his nephews), and Matthew Perry. This educational book will teach you these facts and many more about giraffes. Did you know that giraffes are from Neptune and came to Earth on a conveyor belt? Did you know that if given the choice giraffes prefer to live in Terre Haute, Indiana? Did you know that giraffes control the world's supply of ice? You will discover these truths and much, much more in this book, written by noted giraffe scientists Dr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey. This book is suitable for all ages, and even includes several useful flash cards in the back to help you study important giraffe facts. One of the most useful topics covered is the useful list of giraffe expressions, such as "I'm about to go High Renaissance on your toes," and "My pants are off, put the kettle on." There is even a chapter on the little known mortal enemies of giraffes, sea monsters from the deep, and illustrations of such epic battles as "The Clipper Ship Edward Rhys-Davis Battles the Humongous Sand Woman From Upper Volta," and "The Clipper Ship Tina Yothers Battles the Indescribably Inimitable and Big Driftwood Creature of the Bay of Bengali." These battles are illustrated with the monsters represented by plastic toys, while the Clipper Ships were fashioned out of fig-oriented treats for utmost realism. This is a wonderfully entertaining and hilarious book, which I highly recommend to anyone with a sense of humor. If you want to know more about giraffes, I guarantee that this book will reveal things which you had never imagined.

Great illustrations + witty writing make this a classic!

This volume is stunning - its cover is beautiful, its many illustrations amazing concoctions, its words brilliantly funny. Why another review? No one mentioned the wicked nifty flash cards lurking in the back of the book - a very cool bonus! If you're like me & are addicted to pop-up books or anything interactive, then this is a definite selling point. Giraffes? Giraffes! is loads of fun & I've already bought copies for friends who need a laugh. BTW, the gentle reader who gave this book a poor review obviously had her sense of humor surgically removed by a particularly vindictive incarnation of Dr. Christian Szell.

The best book you will ever read in your life.

Rarely do I ever come across books of this calliber. The witty insightfulness and utter genious of this astounding encycolpedia about giraffes is incomparable. If there is one piece of advice I can give you, it is to immediately buy this book. You will laugh until you cry and your life will never be the same. For example, you will talk about capybaras with your friends, be suspicious of yellow bows, and truly wonder where it is that boys dance when it is quite. Enjoy, fellow scholars.

beware! too funny for the average joe

When I first found this book, I sat in the store reading it and laughing so hard I cried for an hour. I gave it to my friend for her birthday and everyone we show it to becomes obsessed with it. It has information on everything about giraffes from their eating habits to their likes and dislikes to their hobbies to the different spot patterns to a timeline of giraffe history. It even comes with some really cool giraffe cards in the back. Next time you need a gift for your favorite comic or a laugh-fest for yourself, buy this book. I promise it will provide hours of hilarious entertainment.

Finally, the truth about giraffes

Have you ever wondered about giraffes, I mean, really wondered about them? Obviously we were being fed a line in school, I mean come on! Here are the answers you have been waiting for. Great for kids and adults alike. If you can only own one giraffe-related reference book, this is the one.