Fourteen: Growing Up Alone in a Crowd

by Stephen Zanichkowsky

Book Overview

Born eighth in a family on its way to becoming almost twice that size, Stephen Zanichkowsky immediately learned that his life was to be no Cheaper by the Dozen romp. Instead, he and his siblings... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0465094007
• ISBN13: 9780465094004
• Release Date: May 2002
• Publisher: Basic Books (AZ)
• Length: 261 Pages
• Weight: 0.90 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.0" x 5.8" x 8.6"

Customer Reviews

courageous, wrenching exploration of crowded, chaotic youth

Stephen Zanichkowsky's parents left his thirteen siblings and him nothing in their last wills, but that was far more than the fourteen children ever received as they grew up in a violent, fear-saturated home. In "Fourteen," Zanichkowsky has drawn a portrait of a home mangled by its size, stunted in ints physical and emotional repressions, fractured by loss of individuality and self-determination. Scarred and bowed by this tormented past, Zanichkowsky nevertheless has marshalled the courage to recall his past and summoned the courage the unflinchingly recount it. "Fourteen" hurts to read and stands as a sober warning -- not only about excessive family size, but about lack of connection between parents and their children.The subtitle of the memoir, "Growing Up Alone in a Crowd," symbolizes the alienation -- from parents, siblings and self -- Zanichkowsky experiences in his childhood homes. Traditional social anchors, such as the Catholic Church, school and neighborhood, cannot compensate for the fact that "our parents hadn't loved us." The sheer number of children and their quick, regular appearance obliterate coherence, quality of life and a sense of acceptance. The "brutality of motherhood" transforms Johanna Zanichkowsky into a resigned, bewildered and defeated woman, one who gains solace from God but not from family. Her maniacal penchant for violence clashes dissonantly with her near fatalistic resignation and frightening apathy towards her children. Stephen's father, Martin, omnipotent and wrathful, dominates the home; he is never reluctant to dispense absolutely bestial beatings with "the stick," a much-used hardwood bed slat.Amidst the chaotic "motion and commotion," Stephen drives himself to "seek comfort and salvation in solitude." He does so burdened that not only will he never be understood, he must carry the shame that the "possibility of understanding myself" will be forever closed. Education and school, instead of liberating him, freeze Stephen to a sense of separation. The strangeness of his family, exacerbated by sexual ambivalence, compels him to confront differences. He is no more successful than his brothers or sisters in attaining an intact sense of self. Unloved and untethered, the Zanichkowsky children engage in theft, sexual exploration and violation, and dissociative behaviors which dog them even as adults.Fear is the corrosive element defining the children's relationships with their parents. Avoidance of punishment creates distanced, amoral and pragmatic children, whose simmering resentments must be sublimated and displaced. The Zanichkowsky household, at is elemental level, is an ongoing laboratory of Hobbseian despair -- it is mean, nasy, brutish, but never short.Reading "Fourteen" requires patience and empathy. The author seeks the written word as therapy, and despite his lean, powerful prose, Stephen Zanichkowsky holds out no false promise for himself. "Fourteen" is unrelentingly honest, and th

Surviving

I am so impressed that the author has been able to look back on so many painful things in his past and share those, both with his siblings and readers of this book. He is a great example of how we can find compassion and respect towards people we could otherwise continue to hate, fear, avoid, or undermine. I think in a very responsible and caring way, Mr.Zanichkowsky has been able to salvage some positive connections between he and his family. That he can write so articulately about the torment he endured as a child and his still-present personal fears and needs resulted in a powerful book with insights that could help others. I think he is due a great deal of thanks and a lot of credit for daring to talk about "family secrets" so many people would rather choose to deny. The review titled "Quit Your Whining" is that defensive kind of reaction. There is absolutely nothing mean-spirited about this story because it is in fact the opposite, very sensitive. Ironically, all the insults that reviewer accused the author of are actually what the reviewer is doing, sounding angry, bitter, insulting, and mean-spirited. The story of "Fourteen" is the personal journey of one person choosing not just to survive but thrive. I'm impressed.

Nature or nurture?

The first thing to say is that this is superb writing. The description of the church on page 2 and the breakup of ice on the Hudson on page 256 are among the finest pieces of English prose I've read. Of course these memoirs of terrible childhoods demand to be judged by other criteria. One problem is always whether they are true. This seems to have good collateral confirmation. An unique feature is the sympathetic attempt to understand the characters and motivations of the abusers, although at the end they remain inscrutable behind the shielding mask of religious fanaticism. Did these children all get [messed] up? If they did was their parents fault? Is there some natural inborn resilience? Was the fact of being fourteen abusive in and of itself? Of the two children who emerged with major psychiatric problems, one was brain-damaged and the other was away from the home for five years. Jimmy. the second of these, remains a mystery. Were the writer's problems due to his parents? Is he that messed up a human being anyway? (A licensed electrician, furniture maker and carpenter who is a well-reviewed published writer sounds pretty successful). There's a lot of questions in there. I don't pretend to answer them, and the book doesn't answer them all, but it gives insights into them that are well worth reading. One minor question, which may be irrrelevant. Why did the parents speak Lithuanian to each other when the father was a Russian Orthodox Ukrainian?

Alone in a Crowd, a perfect subtitle

I found this book enthralling. A truly dysfunctional family multiplied by 14. I think anyone interested in family dynamics would find this book interesting. It make you think and examine your own family's politics and power struggles. Fourteen answers some of the curiosity questions about the daily life of a family of that size as well as how it felt to just be one of many, many children....

brutally insightful glimpse into family dynamics

Zanichkowsky has written a searingly honest and painfully amusing account of growing up in an enormous family. The rivalries, hatreds and of course compassion spawned by their overcrowded home illuminates not just truths about the author but about all families. Mr. Zanichkowsky has somehow alchemized his pain into biting humor and insight. Furthermore, the book is simply a wonderful read. I can't wait to read more from this author.