Ex-Wives and Ex-Lives: Survival Guide for the Next Wife

by Paula J. Egner

Book Overview

A candid, albeit at times tongue-in-cheek, expose of the challenges facing today's blended family. Written from the next wife's point of view, it delves into the murky waters of step-mothering, climbs... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 097529640X
• ISBN13: 9780975296400
• Release Date: May 2004
• Publisher: Aptly Spoken Enterprises
• Length: 125 Pages
• Weight: 0.45 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.4" x 5.5" x 8.4"

Customer Reviews

Greatly recommended

I was never married but my husband was twice-divorced with two kids when we met. His first wife with whom he did not have any kids was a mature and decent woman. His second was a nightmare. Their marriage was doomed from the beginning because of the disparity in temperament and intellect. My husband was single for six years when we got married. Well, I lived in hell for the first two years of my marriage. I was all confused, miserable, and was at a loss as to how to deal with the situation before I read this book. Knowing that there are others facing the same situation and that I was not responsible for my husband's ex and his kids' behavior made me feel stronger. I now put my boundaries firmly for my husband, his over-spoiled kids, and his wicked ex-wife. Things are under control and we live in relative peace now. My advice to women contemplating marriage to men with kids is that BEFORE MARRIAGE make sure that: 1. he puts his priorities right (his life partner should be his first priority) 2. he is supportive of you 3. he has a healthy relationship with his kids which involves love, respect, structure and discipline 4. he is firm with his ex 5. he and you see eye to eye with each other's expectations of marriage Never, ever marry an over-indulgent father with a bitter ex-wife in the background, unless you are seeking martyrdom, not happiness and companionship. If he cannot keep his baggage from his previous relationships under control, the marriage is not worth saving. Get out while you can and learn from the experience. Remember, only "he" can keep his house in order, not you. And contrary to what some people believe, it's the ex-wives who have to bend over backwards to get along with new wives so that these new wives will treat their step-kids right. That is, if these ex-wives' priority is their children's happiness. It is completely unacceptable for ex-wives to take out their bitterness and failures on their ex-husbands by turning their kids against their fathers, using their kids for emotional blackmail, and sabotaging their ex-husbands' new marriages by creating havoc in their households. If you are caught in an unhappy situation like this, just look into yourself, see how much you can take, and set appropriate boundaries to keep your sanity and happiness. Don't be overly concerned with what others might think. You can succeed if your husband is with you. If he is not with you, again, the marriage is not worth saving.

Finally, a book I can learn from and relate to - the perfect combination!

Rarely have I found information on being the "next wife". One day while Googling I found this amazing book and read it through in one sitting. I know I am one of many ex-wives/next wives, but the fact that I have come to understand how others are going through what I am going through . . . I am not alone. While I didn't experience everything in the book, I certainly identified with it! It is so refreshing to hear an authentic voice from someone who clearly understands my situation, instead of just a textbook written from someone who might not have ever actually experienced being a second wife. (I want to learn from someone who is there!) Ex-Wives and Ex-Lives is a good starting place, ending place, and in-between place for understanding the complexities of re-marriage. I have recommended it to my friends who have stepchildren, and those who have struggled like me to define my role . . . it is on my MUST READ list.

Next wife: You need this!

This is a great book for women who are going into a blended family remarriage. I am now into this situation and did not have any clue what I was going to get into in the beginning. Ex-wives are a pain in the marriage especially if the ex wife is the bitter one. If your new found love is not committed and will not put you in his priority list then it is useless for you to even try to get into it. He should be strong enough to not worry about what his ex feels but should worry more about how you the next wife feels. Almost most of the situations described in this book happened into my remarriage. LOVE is the only strongest hold in this kind of relationship. I give this book a 5 star rating. If you know of somebody going into this remarriage into a blended family situation, gift her with this book. She will appreciate your thoughts.

Eyes Opened!

When I read this book, my eyes were opened to situations that I hadn't known existed before. I'm not remarried but my sister is. Before this book, I couldn't understand what she was going through. Now I have a whole new respect for just how difficult being the second wife (the next wife) can be! My hat goes off to these women who are able to forge out a happy remarriage, in spite of facing so much opposition.

Great for next husbands!

A friend recommended this book to me, even though I'm not the next wife ... but I am the next husband! I was amazed at how it applied to my situation. It's obvious that the author understands how it feels not to be the "first love" of your partner. The scenarios are truthful, blunt, and emotional. But it's written with a sense of humor, which makes these tough situations easier to read and digest. I would highly recommend this book for other next husbands!