Don't Call Me a Crook!: A Scotsman's Tale of World Travel, Whisky, and Crime

by Bob Moore

[i]It is a pity there are getting to be so many places that I can never go back to, but all the same, I do not think it is much fun a man being respectable all his life.[/i]Thus begins [i]Don't Call... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0977378802
• ISBN13: 9780977378807
• Release Date: May 2009
• Publisher: Dissident Books
• Length: 255 Pages
• Weight: 0.65 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 5.4" x 8.1"

Customer Reviews

Don't Call Me a Crook

Bob Moore wants his readers to know that he is not a thief. He just takes the opportunities that have been presented to him, even if that means he has to do a little swindling and lying, but he most certainly is not a thief. This vivid memoir, written in 1935, displays Moore in all his unique glory. From his stint as Chief Engineer on a luxury yacht of the restlessly rich to his snatching of a sack full of diamonds, Moore relates his almost unbelievable tale in a theatrical and over-the-top style. As he winds his way from Glasgow to New York to China, Moore unfailingly finds himself in odd and lucrative situations. His boundless pluck in circumstances like his wildly unsuccessful job in elevator repair or his elaborate duping of a mysterious woman on a train remains a constant throughout his tale. With an attitude as abrasive as sandpaper and no morals of which to speak, his adventures not only astound in the fact that they happened, but in the fact that he got out of them alive. Moore never seems to lose his cool but rather seems to gain someone else's property, no matter what is happening to him. Some of the insights in his story are telling asides of the times in which they were written, giving an almost birds-eye view of the events unfolding during the 1930's and 40's. Whether or not you like this audacious man, it becomes evident that Bob Moore is not only a con man's con man, but a man who can spin a yarn with the best of them. I was a little uncertain of what to expect with this book. Would it be uproariously funny or would his antics be too reckless to be enjoyable? What I found was a pleasant surprise. Though it's not very literary, Moore's book seems to capture his vitality and pluck in a way that immediately enmeshes his reader. Moore sidles his way around a story, and often the reader is left wondering about his actual complicity in the unlikely events that he seems to continuously find himself in. Yet at times this often funny tale veers into much darker territory, capturing a grit and intensity of a life lived without apologies. I found that although I could never stomach a man like Moore in person, reading about him was a quite different matter and it was entertaining in a way that I found unexpected. I savored the intensity of the story but I didn't want to get too close. Moore always came across as disarmingly frank, yet he also has a secretive side and didn't always tell the whole story or let on all he knew about the events he was involved in. Often I was left wondering if Moore really was the lovable reprobate that he wanted his readers to believe he was or if the reality was much more ominous. I noticed that many who tangled with the man met with mysterious accidents or acts of sabotage and that those events were always related with a certain satisfaction, which left me wondering about Moore's capacity for vengeance. Though he mostly came across as very charming and affable, there were moments when his attitude floated int

Funny tale of a traveler and thief

I enjoy reading stories about the not so distant past and a memoir gives me the feeling of being there. DON'T CALL ME A CROOK by Bob Moore is one of those unbelievable enjoyable tales. Originally released in 1935 (but according to the book's forward, it went unnoticed), it tells the tale of a thief and criminal. He tries to explain all that he did, why he did it and the outcomes he endured. He travels around the world creating havoc wherever he went. The story reads like an offbeat comedy of the times Although written over 70 years ago, the editor inserts footnotes that explain the terms used during that period and also did some research trying to learn more about the author (which I found enjoyable). This reissue is a pleasant read and will probably get more notice this time around.

A crook by any other name...

Reading a memoir offers the unique experience of seeing someone's life through their own eyes.... Which can be both a good and a bad thing. First off the conversational tone used in Don't Call Me A Crook flows easily and keeps the reader engaged. On the other hand the story meanders along like a drunken fable, keeping in chronological order sure, but also recounting the matter of his life in what can only be described as a bragging tone of juvenile triumphs. With the same laid back air of one discussing the weather Bobby talks about violence, death, theft, and the engines of ships. He clearly isn't looking for approval but an audience who would be shocked and held in awe for all his many adventures. What he doesn't realize that while we might listen with our mouths slightly ajar, it is more with a dawning horror than a growing sense of admiration that we finish his tale. As a reader of mostly fiction (and occasional writer of the same) I always find myself looking for the hidden meaning, the sense of symbolism and subtext that can turn the average story into something of fine literary merit. Considering the source material for this book I was surprised to find a current of human nature and human tragedy woven into Bobby's recollections that I think totally escapes the author himself. Bobby is a sociopath. Of course, he doesn't start off that way; he starts off as a frolicking fun loving chap who might lack for a clear focus or direction in life but who's charm and is on par with an excitable puppy. His early adventures, or misadventures, involve a sort of mischief and whimsy. The things he swipes and the ways in which the swiping occur are entertaining and we neither fault Bobby nor really hold him accountable. But something changes.... Soon Bobby's adventures take on a sinister edge, a violent streak and an acceptance of the darker parts of human nature. The scariest part is that Bobby himself is unaware of either the shift or that his current activities aren't on the same forgivable level as his earlier mischief. Watching the boy become the man and the man slowly turn into the monster while knowing that he is unaware of any change is a sobering experience. One reads the second half of the book wondering how far Bobby will go. The reader wonders if Bobby will see the error of his ways and if redemption lies in the epilogue. The answer is no. It is a big leap from petty thief to murderer but Bobby makes it without batting an eye. His lack of guilt and subsequent actions leave little room to doubt his severe disconnect from his fellow human beings. By the end of the book I was mesmerized but not in the way I think Bobby intended. The story ends almost abruptly and one knows that Bobby went on to have more adventures. In a sick way I wanted to know what happened next while at the same time feeling relieved that I wasn't going to be party, even by proxy, to Bobby's crimes. Honestly, I enjoyed reading the book even

One of the funnier characters in life that you've never heard of...

These days, just about anyone can document their travels and adventures via many different methods... print-on-demand, blogs, YouTube, etc. But 80 years ago, writing one's memoirs involved actually putting pen to paper, and then hoping that someone could find and buy your book. Don't Call Me a Crook!: A Scotsman's Tale of World Travel, Whisky and Crime by Bob Moore is one such work that apparently had very few readers when it was released in 1935. There's little record as to who Bob Moore was, and how his story came to be told. But their loss is our gain in this reissue, as Moore is quite the character. His ethics and choices are definitely driven by the particular situation he finds himself in, and his situations are quite unusual most of the time... His main contention that he is not a crook is based on his definition of a man who steals things from others. He merely swipes what he needs or when an opportunity exists that he can opportunistically exploit. For instance, he was invited to a Shriner's gathering where ceremonies were taking place. The ornate swords were locked up afterwards so that the eating and drinking could begin. Moore really wanted a better look at the swords, so he broke the lock on the box that stored them. Seeing such an exquisite work made him think it would be a shame not to have one as a souvenir, and besides, it looked as if that was a really large ruby in the handle. As he was on a ship back over to England, he showed one of the stewards his great find. But it turns out the steward was also a Shriner, knew about the missing sword, and pleaded with Moore to dump it overboard before the 400 other Shriners on board found out about it. He faked throwing it out the porthole to calm down the steward, and then turned around and sold the sword to another passenger. He felt that it was much more useful to get $100 from the sword than to dump it at a total loss, and besides, he wasn't responsible for what the Shriners might do to the new owner, was he? :) His travels took him around the world, usually as part of an attempt to evade someone who wasn't thrilled with a prior transaction with Moore. And even though he would often show up in a new location with little more than the clothes on his back, he could usually find a new friend to feed and water him for awhile until the latest "swiping" took place. But it wasn't stealing, as he wasn't a crook... :) And once he had a fair amount of money in his possession, it was time to move on again, onto the next great adventure waiting to be experienced.. The editors at Dissident Books did an excellent job in bringing this little-known classic back to life. They cleaned up the sequencing of Moore's travels, so that everything flowed in a chronological order. In addition, they footnoted some of the more antiquated terms and phrases that have lost meaning over the years, or that don't translate well from Moore's Scottish background. The result is an enjoyable rea

New Heights for Drunken Storytelling

In this memoir's foreword the editor mentions he stumbled upon DON'T CALL ME A CROOK by Robert Moore (this edition is a re-issue) by searching for the term "Tramp" at the New York Public library's database. Tramp is a particularly apt descriptive for Moore, who usually has a roof over his head, but never the same roof for any given period of time. He argues that he isn't a crook, but upon reading his "reminisces"; one finds he's as opportunistic a criminal as they come. Moore (probably a pseudonym), an affable Scotsman, launches an international campaign to find a good time while working the least amount as possible. He lives from one adventure to another escapade all the while taking everything he can get and issuing no apologies. This book is an effective cocktail of social commentary, travel memoir and holy confession. This edition is annotated to easily acclimate the reader to Moore-speak, though many misspellings and word misuses are left in for colloquial charm. It's also been editorially sequenced into its natural story arc. Though book didn't make much of a debut in its day, and one can only speculate as to why that was, as it certainly is not for lack of appeal. Moore's stories range from absolutely ridiculous to deliciously over the top. His style is conversational and his antidotes and the recounts of his capers are always entertaining. Despite his sins, Moore manages to retain his bad boy charisma. His story more above all things--is undeniably cool.