Don't Ask for the Dead Man's Golf Clubs: What to Do and Say(Or What Not To)When a Friend Loses a Love One

By Lynn Kelly

Book Overview

Coping with death is never easy. It comes at all the wrong times, to all the wrong people. Even the deaths of those who say they are ready to go are very hard on family and loved ones. As friends of the bereaved, what can you do and say to bring some measure of comfort? Drawing on her own experience of being widowed at a young age, and combining it with the words of survivors who have lost mothers and children, husbands, grandparents and siblings, Lynn Kelly offers a simple but profound little book of advice. Don't Ask for the Dead Man's Gold Clubs --so called because in fact people will ask--is an invaluable guide to troubling times. There are four sections: What to Do Now, What to Do Over Time, What Not to Do, and the particularly difficult situations of Suicide, Stillbirth, and Miscarriage. The advice is practical, heartfelt, direct, insightful. Let your friend know how you feel. Express sympathy to all the family members. Talk about the dead person and not be afraid to say his or her name. Write a fond memory or send a picture. Bring food. Listen. Record a new phone message. Remember holidays. Keep giving hugs. And never: Criticize arrangements. Assume that it's a blessing. Make parallels with animals. Say I know how you feel. Do something without asking. And don't ever, ever ask for the dead man's golf clubs. t is the human experience shared, and how to be a true friend at the time of greatest need.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0761121862
• ISBN13: 9780761121862
• Release Date: October 2000
• Publisher: Workman Pub Co
• Length: 155 Pages
• Weight: 0.40 lbs.
• Dimensions: 7.0" x 0.5" x 5.0"

Customer Reviews

Excellent Resource!!!

I just found this book recently and read through it in one evening. Since I've been through several deaths in the last two years (father, sister-in-law, babies, pet and friendships), I can attest to the accuracy of comments from many of those who contributed to the book through interviews. This is an EXCELLENT reference book for helping those (who don't know what to do) learn what is helpful to support friends, co-workers and even family, experiencing the pain of grief and the stages of grieving. If you're looking for others who've experienced what you've experienced (either through support or non-support) in the death of a loved one...you are likely to find it here. If you are looking for a source of information on what you can do to 'be present' for someone you care about who is going through grief, you'll find that information here. Thank you, Lynn, for this book!

Honesty and Compassion Is The Key

I know Lynn Kelly personally as her 'little' sister was a good friend of mine in Wyoming. I remember when Lynn lost her husband and was left with three small children to care for. I remember how devastating it was to her and her sister Ginge. I remember feeling total disbelief when her husband died because 'bad things don't happen to good people', or so I thought.My sister handed me this book to read this week-end because in it were quotes from my brother-in-law regarding the death of their son in a boating accident four years ago. I was so impressed with the questions Lynn posed and how they were answered by those she interviewed. I immediately wanted to buy this book for the Hospice Organization that I am part of.Honesty and compassion are so important in dealing with your own grief or helping others to do so. It is unbelievable how cruelty by others is so unintentiona but yet so destructive. People just don't stop to think about what they are saying to some one who is grieving and Lynn pointed that out in a very constructive way. I am going to purchase this book and donate it to the Hospice Library in Sidney, Nebraska. We face every day wondering what to say to those who are dying and to the loved ones what have just lost someone. This book gives a true, honest insight to grief. It also would help those who are grieving know that what they are feeling is okay.