Death Wears Flip-Flops: A Novel

By John Owens

Synopsis When action movie star Thor Lobo thwarts a gang of murderous car-jackers on a dark highway close to the exit for Nero, Florida, he vows to make a movie of the thrill-packed shoot-out. But before the cinematic blockbuster can show Nero as more than sand, citrus groves, and rich retirees, Thor is killed, struck by lightning on the golf course. The people of Nero insist that since God took their leading man, The Almighty owes them something of comparable greatness. Suddenly, a bulldozer turns up old bones in a sandy lot. Before science--or even sanity--can speak, the bones are declared the earthly remains of "The Original Adam and Eve, Locked in a Lovers' Embrace." And the surrounding scrub land? That's the sanctified "Holy Garden of Eden." In thoroughly Florida fashion, a bunch of old bones and acres of sun-burnt sand are enough to justify a theme park. Rivaling anything in Orlando, The Holy Garden of Eden Faith & Fun Park immediately gushes cash on a loaves-and-fishes scale. No surprise, everybody in town wants a piece of it. And will kill to get it. Forget shooting, stabbing, choking, and cement shoes. These greedy assassins go freestyle, counting on trigger-happy cops, collapsing buildings, arson, firing squads, S&M rape, and heavily armed "patriots." Add horny, corrupt, "shoot-'em-on-sight" Cletus W. Donner (Governor of Florida and Presidential shoo-in), along with... "Florida's former Cheerleader of the Year, now First Lady of the State, an internationally recognized Mary Kay representative, who's been awarded three pink Cadillacs, and a sexy bitch in her own right...my beautiful wife, Donna Wanda Fonda Donner." This is just the beginning. Add a billion-dollar mega-church with a deep secret, a sex-addict developer ruled by his crotch, an insanely profitable Indian/American casino, a surprise ending, and enough sex, death, stupidity, avarice, Second Amendment nuttiness, and kooky "miracles" to leave no doubt that Florida is a hot boiling blend of everything that's funny--and frightening--in America today. Think Ozark meets South Park meets National Lampoon's Vacation.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: B0CW1M3KQD
• ISBN13: 9798875727238
• Release Date: February 2024
• Publisher: Independently published
• Length: 343 Pages
• Dimensions: 9.0" x 0.8" x 6.0"