Boundary Issues: Using Boundary Intelligence to Get the Intimacy You Want and the Independence You Need in Life, Love, and Work

by Jane Adams

Psychological boundaries determine how we reconcile our seemingly contradictory needs for both intimacy and independence, closeness and separateness. The struggle to reconcile these needs dominates our emotional lives. In this fascinating book, journalist, coach, and social psychologist Jane Adams explains how boundaries can allow us to invite others in to share our deepest selves while they protect us from "emotional trespass."

Psychological...

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0471660450
• ISBN13: 9780471660453
• Release Date: October 2005
• Publisher: Trade Paper Press
• Length: 256 Pages
• Weight: 1.05 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.9" x 6.5" x 9.4"

Customer Reviews

Well worth the read!

I always thought boundaries were a way of keeping others at a safe distance and out of my personal business. Instead, after reading this book, I learned that boundaries can also be a way to connect with others, and allow greater closeness and intimacy with the people in our lives. In order to do this, we need to cultivate something the author calls "boundary intelligence," which is an intentional management of three aspects of boundaries: their permeability, flexibility, and complexity. The four elements of Boundary Intelligence are: awareness, insight, intention and action. It makes sense--if someone is stepping all over us, or if we are trespassing on their boundaries, we need first of all to be aware of the transgression, and then have the insight to realize that we need to adjust our boundary's permeability. Then we can form the intention to change and formulate a plan of action to address the boundary transgression. All of us have different boundary styles, and an interesting quiz in Chapter 3 helps us understand our inner boundaries; those we have with others in our lives; and how their complexity, flexibility, and permeability all impact our dealings with others. I found this very interesting and helpful. The book had several other quizzes, but they lacked enough explanation for me to make real sense of them. Throughout the book, numerous anecdotes and examples tell of boundaries being trampled on and ignored, all of which further illustrated the necessity of understanding and learning how to successfully negotiate boundaries with the people in our lives. One area dealt with something the author termed "emotional trespass." This is when "we may not know exactly where our boundaries are, but we know when they've been violated." I can think of innumerable examples of this in my own life, but I never had a way to describe it before. Armchair Interviews says: Boundary Intelligence will help you navigate your way through all the relationships in your life.

Move Over Dr. Phil

Finally someone explains "boundaries" - a lot better than most shrinks do (including Dr. Phil!) This may be the best self-help book I've ever read - I'm buying it for my mother, my best girlfriends, and my 24 year old daughter

Faster Than Therapy

This book made me realize how "boundary issues" screwed up so many of my relationships. I wish I'd read it years ago; I would have saved thousands of dollars and hours on therapy. Jane Adams is one smart woman.

Dr. Adams Writes a Lesson Plan...

This is one of those subjects I've churned over in my mind countless times in my life and career without knowing exactly what to call it. This concise book gave me a handle. I've never read as clear, smart and lucid description of how important boundaries are in relationships - this is a wonderful book that everyone who's ever dealt with boundary issues should read...five stars!"

Finally, a self-help book that really helps!!

I LOVED this book because it told me how to get my mother to stop telling me what to do, wear and eat, my in-laws to stop telling me how to raise my kids, my friends to stop dumping their bad moods on me, and my husband to start sharing his feelings with me! Jane Adams is the most self-helpful writer I've ever read...I wish she were my shrink - or, better yet, my friend! A Reader in New York