Beyond Good Intentions: A Mother Reflects on Raising Internationally Adopted Children

by Cheri Register

Book Overview

Beyond Good Intentions is a book of essays about the joys and risks of raising children adopted internationally. Cheri Register examines ten pitfalls that well-meaning parents like herself can easily... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1597430005
• ISBN13: 9781597430005
• Release Date: January 2005
• Publisher: Yeong & Yeong Book Company
• Length: 183 Pages
• Weight: 0.65 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 5.4" x 7.4"

Customer Reviews

Straight into the heart of the white parent experience

A close friend visited me on a recent weekend. Needing a good book to read she pulled "Beyond Good Intentions" from my bookshelf. After she finished reading my friend reported it to be one of the best glimpses yet into the mind of a white woman. Her comment caught me by surprise. My friend and I are both women of color and we have kids who are transracially adopted. Her children are black and two of my kids are Asian, and we're both rooted deeply in our ethnic communities. Admittedly when I first read Beyond Good Intentions the fact that it was written for a white audience went over my head. I only picked up on the fact that these were 10 important issues adoptive parents of Asian children typically struggled with. While I liked the book, I felt that while it addressed issues of race, it gave parents permission to be intellectually aware, but didn't consider how to live as a mixed race family and loose the idea of continuing to live as white, as white parents raising children of color. Yet after re-reading the book I give it rave reviews. The concept of adoptive parents creating a toolbox to fix themselves (instead of fixing their children) has only just begun and Cheri Register's "Beyond Good Intentions" is an excellent beginning.

Asking the hard questions that need to be answered...

This book is most appropriate for families who are in the process of adopting internationally or transracially. The author superbly addresses the complex and controversial topics of race, culture, heritage, stereotypes, and racism that potential adoptive parents need to resolve prior to parenting a transracial child. What is unique about this book is the way the author presents a controversial topic in each chapter by posing an "extreme" example on that topic. Reading each scenario will require you to evaluate your own personal views and consider how it will impact your adoptive process and parenting. The author is neither judgemental or superior in her response to each scenario, but writes from a perspective of "wisdom from experience". It felt more like a discussion about, rather than a lecture on, adopting internationally. I found this book to be one of the most helpful books in address the complexities of transracial adoption. I highly recommend it!

A must for all current and prospective adoptive parents!

Cheri Register has written a very honest and thought-provoking book, dismantling a lot of the common misconceptions and stereotypes about international adoption. She has the courage to highlight even the difficult issues involved, and shows that even the best intentions might have harmful consequences. Her point of view as an adoptive parent of adult children, gives her message credibility and weight, while her frequent references to adult adoptees' perspective, proves that she is willing to look at adoption also from the angle of those whose lives are the most affected by international adoption. I would like to see this book being mandatory reading for all prospective adoptive parents, and even more, I hope this group would be able to read and take in the message without feeling defensive.

A must read for all prospective and current international adoptive parents

Cheri Register does not cushion her advice for the comfort of international adoptive parents - instead, she focuses on what we need to know to help our children grow strong. Some of her advice and insights are not easy to accept or pleasant to hear, but I am grateful for her help in arming me to help our two internationally adopted children. They may not now have, and may never have, the reactions and feelings that she describes, but if they do at least I will have some sense of where they are coming from - which is a place I know nothing about from my own life history. All too many of us cannot see beyond our adoration of our children to their unique needs, and Ms. Register's book strives to help us over that huge blind spot. This book is one of a handful that people thinking about adopting transracially/internationally or who have already done so should have on their shelves to consult again and again.

Thank you, Cheri Register

I am a young woman who was adopted as a child from Korea, and I highly, highly recommend this book. It will undoubtedly strike a few nerves whether you are an adoptee or adoptive parent, and I think that its usefulness lies precisely in its ability to make you re-examine yourself. Cheri's caricatures are eye-opening and are both painful and humorous at times. I firmly believe that evaluating new information concerning any part of life is necessary for growth as a person even if you end up disagreeing with it. If we only read what we want to tell ourselves, are we really learning? While reading this book the conversations I had along the way with myself and others has helped me verbalize some of my feelings about my adoption story, and it would have done the same had I disagreed with its main points. It provided very useful context for adoption, race, and community issues as well. The fact that Cheri Register's information comes from adoptees themselves should be cause for more attention and merit, not less. The fact that some distressed adult adoptees exist is further evidence that a book such as this is extremely necessary. I am sure that "online complainers" are not the only ones who find her book to be compelling and useful- I fully endorse it as an adult woman who is very involved in many communities, who graduated near the top of her class from an excellent university, and who doesn't spend her time grieving that life is not a bowl full of cherries. I can only hope that many others will choose to read this book, discuss it, and learn from its wisdom.