Between Fathers and Daughters: Enriching and Rebuilding Your Adult Relationship

by Linda Nielsen

Book Overview

At last A no-nonsense, entertaining, and insightful book for dads and daughters who want more from their relationship--or who want to understand and rebuild it on an adult level. Dr. Linda Nielsen addresses the questions that daughters and dads regularly ask her--and a lot more. Based on two decades of work with hundreds of dads and daughters, BETWEEN FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS summarizes cutting-edge research in clear language and offers compelling stories...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1581826613
• ISBN13: 9781581826616
• Release Date: September 2008
• Publisher: Cumberland House Publishing
• Length: 256 Pages
• Weight: 0.66 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 5.6" x 8.5"

Customer Reviews

A must read

Reviewed by Carol Hoyer, PhD, for Reader Views (11/08) Dr. Nielsen has written one of the most interesting, comprehensive books on relationships between fathers and daughters. She is funny and very straight to the point, but never makes the reader feel guilty or ashamed. With so many adult women coming from homes where abuse, neglect or tension filled the air, this book will help all. Dr. Nielsen covers myths we all grew up with, rebellion that happens during the teen years and strained relationships because of communication that has broken down. By taking the quizzes (both daughter and dad) can go on a journey to improve their relationships. Her information on why relationships break down was very informative to this reviewer. After reading the book, I had a better understanding of my own daughter and her father. I was truly amazed at the "signs" I ignored. There wasn't one chapter that stood out-- they all were informative and made one think. Dr. Nielsen covers giving and taking advice, improving communication, and getting to know absent fathers. This is just a few of the topics. You will have to get "Between Fathers & Daughters" and read it. In fact, my daughter just took it home to read.

I would give it 6 if it were possible

Since her mother and I divorced approximately 15 years ago, my daughter has lived approximately half the week with each of us. In my opinion, and this is backed up by independent observers, we have an excellent relationship. We share a business, part-time on my part, where we mow, rake leaves, shovel snow and do other odd jobs. Our clients are almost all retirees or elderly widows. All of our clients praise her work ethic and how she will see what is to be done and just do it. A woman who counseled her over a few issues once commented that we often sound like siblings rather than a father and daughter. However, reading this book has convinced me that things can be even better. While we talk incessantly about politics, macroeconomics, general business and our joint employment, the conversation rarely goes into her personal relationships. She is uncomfortable talking to me about personal issues, all conversations seem to get started only after a major event occurs. The advice in this book about how a father can get such conversations started with their daughter is something that I am going to begin following shortly after I complete this review. We are going to be spending this afternoon doing some yard work and I am going to move the conversation towards her personal life. I encourage all fathers and daughters to read this book and take it very seriously. Nielsen approaches the problem of father-daughter communication from both sides without taking sides, which is the only way in which it will work. Another feature of this book that I applaud to the point where my hands are raw is that Nielsen points out some facts in support of fathers that debunk common and sometimes dangerous misconceptions. For example: On page 143 *) "80 percent of the dads earn most of the money for the family - of those 20 percent earn all of it." *) "Counting housework, childcare and paid work, most mothers work only forty-one hours a week while most fathers work fifty-one hours." On page 137 *) "For example, 906,000 children are abused or neglected every year - and 1,500 of them die, most under the age of four. More than forty percent of these children are neglected or abused by their mothers acting alone, 18 percent by their fathers alone, and 17 percent by parents together. " Several years ago, I dated a woman who was a child abuse investigator and she was emphatic in telling me that in her experience, women committed the majority of child abuse. A position firmly supported by Nielsen, yet somehow lost in the common wisdom. Which is another point where I applaud her, as she is severely critical of the media that glorifies the mother and portrays fathers as inept and incompetent. I generally have a low opinion of books in the category of self-help, often referring to them as "self-hype." Authors of such books use high-sounding language and superlatives, as if the more you use them the better the book. This is a book soundly based in the reality of the comple

Exposing Harmful Beliefs and Improving Connections Between Dads and Adult Daughters

Based on the results I've gotten, Between Fathers & Daughters is the most helpful book I've read in 2008. I highly recommend it. I am a dad so I have to write about this book from my perspective in that role. One day my daughter was following me everywhere I went, smiling as she trotted along, and filled with joy. Then suddenly I had an adult daughter who seemed highly skeptical about my motives, preferred not to spend much time with me, and didn't find much to please her. How did that happen? I wasn't sure, but I certainly wanted it to change. I found Dr. Nielsen's book to be very valuable for helping me understand where I was going wrong. I must have seemed as weird to my daughter as my parents did to me. Trying the advice, I found that the rift rapidly began to close, and we started to enjoy one another's company again. I'm sold. Dr. Nielsen draws on her experience in teaching a course on this subject. As a result, she has a number of quizzes where you can check out your attitudes and behavior. I found those to be very revealing. The book is designed to be answered by fathers and daughters together. I didn't try that, but if your daughter is willing . . . go for it. I think it would work well. The book also made me more sensitive to the ways that others condition my daughter's relationship with me through their beliefs and actions. I didn't try to change anything in that regard, but being more aware of the issue has helped me to choose better things to say and do.

Thoughtful, compelling, smart and honest

"Between Fathers and Daughters" is as refreshing, compassionate and engaging a book as I've read all year, on any topic. Highly readable and candid, it deftly avoids typical pitfalls of the "self-help" genre by challenging and empowering the reader without any coddling or condescension. Yet what makes this book truly unique and worthwhile is how Nielsen elegantly combines her expertise with anecdotes and examples, suggestions and straight talk. Rather than reading like a 'book written by a psychology expert,' I felt like I was having a deep, honest conversation with a smart, warm friend. This book will impact all your relationships, but will genuinely change the way you see and interact with your dad. Very highly recommended.

Long Overdue Help For Dads & Daughters

Full disclosure: I'm neither a father nor a daughter. But as the editor of a publication that addresses the issue of shared parenting, I am privileged to know Linda Nielsen and am familiar with her work. This book is long overdue. There is a virtual library of material out there addressing the problems of mothers and daughters, but the relationship between fathers and daughters is relatively unexplored territory. And it's important that it be explored, because America is in the throes of a "father crisis." The presence of fathers in homes and the role of fathers in raising children is diminishing even as we come to realize the increasingly-obvious fact that children need both parents. Children who have access to their fathers do better in school, and better in life generally, than those who do not. Dr. Nielsen explores in detail and with authority every facet of the father-daughter relationship. The book addresses topics such as how daughters can get to know their fathers better; how divorced fathers can maintain strong relationships with their daughters, and how fathers and daughters can help each other get through the experience of the mother's death. It has advice on how fathers and daughters can discuss money. A long list of other vital father-and-daughter issues is addressed as well, all treated with a great depth of human understanding and professional expertise. Dr. Nielsen gives good advice. Whether you're a dad looking to strengthen his relationship with a daughter, or a daughter who may have had a difficult relationship with her father and seeks to improve it, this book will prove invaluable to you. I highly recommend it. Kelley Dupuis Editor The Liberator American Coalition for Fathers and Children Washington, D.C.