As Always I Smiled

By Marisol Figirova

Survivors of sexual assault are three times more likely to suffer from depression and four times more likely to contemplate suicide. I was oblivious to matters of this nature until they personally affected me. That's when my desire to want to continue life became non-existent. Many have questioned me as to why I wanted to leave this very earth on my own terms. How could I no longer want to exist? If you have never experienced such trauma in your life, you cannot fully understand the wishes of a depressed human being. In my book, As Always I Smiled, the world around me knew nothing of my illness. I did what I needed to do to keep all evil thoughts and memories from escaping my very lips: I pretended to be happy. As I suffered from depression, nothing mattered. I had no feelings at all. Without feelings for anything that existed, it made it easier to do what I thought needed to be done: commit suicide. But we don't get to decide our fate; God decides when our time has come, and he had decided long ago that it wasn't my time. Surviving suicide was worse than not. Now I had to face my family and future.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1681647621
• ISBN13: 9781681647623
• Release Date: December 2015
• Publisher: Tate Publishing
• Length: 126 Pages
• Weight: 0.26 lbs.
• Dimensions: 8.0" x 0.3" x 5.0"