The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women

by Jessica Valenti

Book Overview

From the bestselling author of Sex Object, a searing investigation into American culture's obsession with virginity, and the argument for creating a future where women and girls are valued for more... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1580052533
• ISBN13: 9781580052535
• Release Date: March 2009
• Publisher: Seal Press (CA)
• Length: 263 Pages
• Weight: 1.05 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.0" x 6.1" x 9.0"

Customer Reviews

Wish my mom read this book

This book is written in a very easily digestible way, and could be discredited for the playful manner with which the author speaks to readers. Overall I found it really good and there were consistent lines through the book that had me self reflecting. Early on, for instance, there is a line about how you are more often considered a woman by society when you lose your virginity than when you learn to speak your mind with confidence.

Loved it.

I absolutely loved The Purity Myth. I love Jessica Valenti's writing style and the ease of reading her work without losing any facts in the process. I was glad to see that J. Valenti included those who wish to remain "virgins" until their wedding day into the book. Focusing on making sure you're holding off for the right reasons for the individual v.s. the right reasons for everyone who's imposing on said individual. That was very refreshing to read. I wasn't sure at first that I'd be very interested in a book about virginity but now I can really see why it's a topic that should be addressed more often. It was very enlightening and enjoyable and I now recommend it to all my friends. I've noticed in some of the comments that people had expected Valenti to try and force people to convert to her way of thinking and claimed that she hadn't tried hard enough to do just that. I think people are missing the point of books like this. Books are suppose to help open the mind, to let you see a world possibly different than your own and spark conversation. If you're looking for a book that will tell you exactly how to live your life and how to think, THIS IS NOT IT and you probably would not want to buy it. This is a glimpse into viewing our world in a different way than we might already be viewing it and I think it did a very good job of that.

Well Written

The Purity Myth / 978-1-58005-314-3 I wasn't sure that I'd like "The Purity Myth", although I was comfortably certain that I was a member of the proverbial choir for this book. As much as I've enjoyed Valenti's writings in the past, I'm not always comfortable with the blogosphere and sometimes find that I disagree with some of the more "if you disagree, you are wrong" writing style of some blog writers out there. "The Purity Myth" does not fall into this trap, however - the book is well-researched, well-written, and well-argued. Valenti is careful to cite her sources, respond directly to quotes (rather than assertions), and lay out her opinions in an easy-to-follow format. Indeed, the writing alone is very tight and skilled - most people will be able to zip from start to finish in a couple of days, save that the heavy subject matter of some of the latter chapters may give pause. Valenti's main thesis is that a person's worth (male OR female - Valenti deals with both) should not be boiled down to a laundry list of "has" and "hasn't"s of sexual experience - a boy does not need to have had sex to be a "man", and a woman does not need to have never experienced physical intimacy in order to be a "good girl". That premise may seem terribly obvious, but it is crucial to note - as Valenti does - that much of the federally funded abstinence-only classes in our country deal in those stereotypes - that all men are slaves to their genitals, and that all women want hugs and settle for sex instead. This truly sexist attitude - that men are pigs and women are gatekeepers - causes a multitude of problems later in life: men who are disturbed by their partner's sexual desires; women who feel shameful and guilty for being 'different' and liking physical intimacy; relationships where aggressors feel within their 'rights' to push for more than their partner is comfortable giving - either because the reticent man "really" wants it, deep down inside, or because the reticent woman is "only" withholding herself for shallow, manipulative reasons. In a word, these teaching foster a culture of rape, and Valenti is dedicated to showing how dangerous this is for *everyone* in our society. If "The Purity Myth" has a flaw, it is perhaps in trying to embrace too much information in one volume - a side tracking chapter into mainstream pornography and Real Dolls (in an effort to drive home yet another manner in which this culture can and does hurt men as well as women) seems to wander a little, although another chapter regarding masculinity shines nicely. Still, this is a broad over-view type of book - with each chapter dipping as deeply as it can into the subject matter before moving on. I'd love to see Valenti devote a new book to *each* of the chapters here - there's a wealth of information out there that can and does need to be explored. Everyone should read this book and hear is reiterated, again, that a person's value is so much more complex than their sexual history.

Thought Provoking... And Left Me Wanting More

I suppose the fact that this book left me wanting more can be both a positive and negative thing. Overall, this book offers a fresh perspective on why the virginity/chastity/purity movement is harmful to young women. Jessica drives home the point that young women are more than whether or not they've had premarital sex and society/media has done a poor job of acknowledging that, as the stories we hear about women and sexuality often reinforce the virgin/whore dichotomy. Too often young women are depicted as tainted, unlovable and dirty unless they adhere to a strict model of what the Christian Right deems acceptable sexuality. The book discusses at great length abstinence only sex education classes where girls are being taught that they are like a "used lollipop" if they have sex before marriage, and worse for young women (and men) the book offers evidence that some educators are flat out lying to students. (e.g. exaggerating the failure rates of condoms and discounting or even denying their effectiveness in preventing STDs) One thing Jessica points out that I never really thought about before is that "...young women who are sexually exploited are often young women of color from low-income communities who are perceived as inherently loose, unredeemable and hopeless." If you think about it this is true, because you have to be a "certain" type of girl to be thought of as a victim of sexual crime in the media (young, pretty, usually white - definitely a virgin). Otherwise, the woman is thought to be complicit in her attack. (she's on the streets anyways, she likes it, she's a slut already...etc). Many many good things about this book, but what I would've liked to see more of is discussion on how the purity movement affects friendships between young women and they way we treat each other as women. As someone who grew up religious and was guilty of "slut shaming" others for something as innocuous as "making out", I was part of this movement and indoctrinated with thinking that sex before marriage = slut and was thus very concerned with my perceived purity/lack of "sluttiness." I'm sure there will be many people on the right who will accuse the author (and pretty much all feminists) of promoting promiscuity but that's not what this is about at all. This book is about presenting a radical idea that sex and sexuality is more complex and nuanced than "pure" vs. impure", "virgin" vs. "whore." It's about being honest and breaking the cycle of judgment and ridiculous standards that most people don't adhere to here. I'm actually surprised I haven't seen more reviews on this book, but I hope I do because as someone who has been on both sides of this movement I'm interested in hearing more discussion from both sides. But like Jessica, I'm tired of hearing the "feminists want girls to be slutty" argument. Overall, this is a really good book. So good that I just changed my review from 4 to 5 stars (I didn't want to seem like a gushing fangirl... but

Well written, smart and thoughtful.

Ms. Valenti does a great job of unpacking the virgin/whore dichotomy that is so pervasive in American culture. It's a call for a more open, honest and nuanced dialogue about sexuality. And, for the record, she is not building a case against chastity, rather the book shows the damage these common stereotypes about female sexuality can do to young women.

I didn't know it was possible ...

for Jessica Valenti's books to get any more incredible. Valenti is talented beyond compare and with her brilliance shows her readers the importance of a revolutionary school of thought. The Purity Myth starts off with a perfect framework, setting the stage for the disgusting and oppressive tactics that arise as a result of forced virginity. With purity pledges and double standards, young women are taught that their morality means nothing, and that their sexuality defines them. With candor, Valenti dares to speak out, and thank goodness she does. Valenti delves into more specific effects of the need for control over women's bodies creates. All the while, she gives strong statistics that only further enhance a well thought out argument. While the focus on virginity remains certain, The Purity Myth also branches off into the acceptance of "rape culture", abstinence only education, and violence against women. Together, the cocktail proves detrimental to the young women of America. Conservatives would have the masses believe that virginity keeps girls 'good' and 'clean' for the men that will own them in the future. Instead of accepting the norm, Valenti proves that women should be known as 'good' for their morals, not for their sexuality. She also offers knowledge into victim blaming, the appeal of abstinence, and "manliness". The Purity Myth examines all the stereotypes and creepy practices of the politics of virginity, and its focus on girls rather than boys. The misogyny that still exists in regards to the sexuality of young women is imperceptible; with the help of Valenti and her extensive knowledge and solutions for the future, change will surely come.