The Boys and Girls Book about Divorce: For Children and Their Divorced Parents--The Essential Book

by Richard A. Gardner

Book Overview

Should Your Parents Be Married Even If They're Unhappy With Each Other?

If your parents fuss at you does it mean they don't love you? How can you tell if your father loves you if he lives in another city? Are you "bad" when you get angry with your mother or father? Why is it a mistake to talk to one parent about another? Do you blame yourself for your parents' divorce?

This warm and honest book provides reassuring answers to these...

• Format: Mass Market Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0553276190
• ISBN13: 9780553276190
• Release Date: May 1985
• Publisher: Bantam
• Length: 192 Pages
• Weight: 0.65 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 4.3" x 7.0"
• Age Range: 9 to 12 years
• Grade Range: Grades 4 to 7

Customer Reviews

Excellent triage for the ravages of divorce

I respectfully disagree with the reviews from well-meaning adults regarding Gardner's candor. Divorce is not last place at the science fair. Divorce is a civil war where children are given a front-row seat to the ugly, forceful destruction of their family. While unconditional love may be helpful short-term, it doesn't address the guilt, distrust or hatred children may have that they don't understand and cannot voice. My parents put this book in my hands 25 years ago. To be sure, it contains stinging criticism of adult behavior that left my parents smarting, but it became a valuable tool for thoughtful conversation that restored confidence and trust. I still use its principals in adulthood. Do I agree with everything this book said? Nope. Did I find the book useful anyhow? Absolutely. I encourage you to read the book for yourself, then decide whether to share it with your children. Whatever you decide, I encourage you to do what it takes to help children of divorce learn to think critically about their experience.

Truth hurts but lies and denials devastate

The negative reviewers are in denial and, although they believe they are doing the right thing by not being honest with their kids or themselves, they are hurting their kids and probably screwing them up for life so they too can repeat the mistakes of their parents and continue the cycle. The chapter about what love is and how to recognize it is invaluable. It does NO good to teach a child that neglect, disinterest and selfishness is love because it is not. The sad fact is that some parents do not love their children or love them very much. Face it and deal with it - adults and children alike. If you teach your kid that "not-love" is love then you're not giving your kid the skills to find and recognize Real Love. Apparently, many negatives reviewers had a fit when they read the chapter about how to recognize love and they didn't continue reading how to help your child cope when their parent has little or no love for them. Maybe, as I did, they had to face facts that their own estranged spouse and/or a parent of theirs also did not love nor love them enough. This book also addresses the fears that children have and denying that they have those fears is easier on the parent, but certainly not helpful to a child who is, well, childish and needs reassurance. If you love your children, really really love them - then buy this book. Read it first yourself then use the chapters that apply to your situation and know that even though truth hurts and facing fears is difficult - you're doing right by your children. Sugar-coating and running away from facts is harmful to you and to your kids. It's time to stop taking the short-term easy way out and get real.

Honesty is the best policy

I noticed this book because of my own miserable childhood.No adult would like to tell me the truth about my parient's divorce even themselves.There were so many questions in my mind.I have wasted so many time to adjust it. The teachers never taught you how to deal with a divorced family and a sad father. There was no book about it. So, we are helpless.When I saw this book,I felt so amazingly. This was a book written for us and truely helped us.

A beatiful way to make hard situations easy

What a talent ! Every young reader will know for sure that his mother & father is still his loving Mom & Dad even after they are divorced. This book should be translated to many languages.

It influenced me to become a psychologist!!

I read the book 16 years ago and it influenced me to become a psychologist. I even mentioned the book and Dr. Gardner in my application essay for graduate school. The book was easy to understand as a child and I still recommend the book to my children-patients. I highly recommend the book to parents and children who are dealing with divorce issues. The book also contains great illustrations. No book has had greater influence on my life and career