How to Deal with Difficult People (SOS)

by Donald H. Weiss

Book Overview

Although most people may be hard to get along with at one time or another, some people may be classified as truly difficult: the unresponsive boss, who keeps everyone in a state of anxiety; the... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0814476740
• ISBN13: 9780814476741
• Release Date: January 1987
• Publisher: Amacom
• Length: 64 Pages
• Weight: 0.15 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.2" x 4.0" x 7.0"

Customer Reviews

Rational Approach to Improving Behaviors Causing Problems

Most people will run into coworkers, subordinates, and bosses whose behaviors are sometimes very irritating. Often these people will not know that they are annoying anyone else, or don't see the consequences. This excellent book describes a process you can use to identify the source of these behaviors and to work out a solution with the person that will be good for both of you. Reminding the reader that "the only person over whom you exercise any significant control is yourself," the author goes on to point out that it is hard to change yourself. So the most you can hope for is for the other person to agree to try to change. There is an excellent quiz in the book that will help you identify more about your own personality and those of the people you work with along the dimensions of being in or out of control, and being responsive or unresponsive to others. People who are in control and responsive usually do not cause many difficulties. Those with the other combinations of characteristics do. You are then encouraged to chart the behaviors that you approve of that the person does and the ones that cause problems. You should only tackle the ones where the potential gain is worth the effort. Having determined where you want to encourage changes, a process is described for how to discuss this with the other person: Ask for their help. Give feedback on your reaction to the behavior and how it harms you and the organization. Be constructive in suggesting how the behavior might be changed, and point out the benefit for them. Let the other person decide if they want to try to change or not. Expect some feedback on your own behaviors, and be prepared to listen actively and consider changing yourself. Your own behavior may be triggering the behavior that drives you wild! Come up with an action plan that is a consensus. Obviously, this is easier to do if you are the boss, but there are ideas for how to handle this if you are the subordinate.The book also has a case study in it, with some sample dialogues for handling the key conversations. The book also warns you about ultra difficult people (those whose behavior goes to neurotic extremes like those with chronic depression, hyper people, manic-depressives and those who like to play ego-serving head games). These people may not be able to participate. The author suggests going to the ultra difficult person's boss as the first step and describing the problem.Many people are overwhelmed by irritating behaviors, and procrastinate about handling the situation. This is often based on feeling unsure about what to do. This excellent guide will bust that stall for you. Have a peaceful day at work!