Football Shorts: 1,001 of the Game's Funniest One-Liners

by Glenn Liebman

We have a strange and wonderful relationship: he's strange and I'm wonderful. - Mike Ditka, on his relationship with Jim McMahon. Everyone is unhappy at times, even my wife. Only she doesn't get... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0809232154
• ISBN13: 9780809232154
• Release Date: September 1997
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill Companies
• Length: 272 Pages
• Weight: 0.75 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.9" x 5.3" x 7.5"

Customer Reviews

What can I say--it's football humor!

"Football Shorts: 1,001 of the Game's Funniest One-Liners" is a great book to use to entertain your friends during commercials at the next football game at your house. You can't have enough football, right? As the title says, 1,001 one-liners. The collector of the quips is Glenn Liebman, a sports writer with several books to his credit. He explains in the introduction why he compiled this book. As a long-time fan of the Jets, he had to have a sense of humor to survive the losses. The person Liebman finds most humorous is Bum Phillips. Here's a Bumism: Asked if he played college football, he replied: I thought I did until I looked at old game films. Here are some random samplings of one-liners: "Football is a game played with arms and legs and shoulders, but mainly from the neck up." Knute Rockne "He's one man who doesn't let success get to his clothes." Mike Ditka, on John Madden "OU is easier to spell than OSU." Barry Switzer, on why Oklahoma has an advantage in recruiting over Oklahoma State University. "A product of uncontrolled rage." Lyle Alzado, defining a sack. "A good coach needs three things: a patient wife, a loyal dog, and a great quarterback--not necessarily in that order." Bud Grant. "Some were defensive-minded, some offensive-minded, and some no-minded." Boomer Esiason, on the six coaches he played for in six years. "Sometimes God gives you physical talents and takes away your brain." Mike Ditka, on Tim Harris. "I'm running out of spare parts." Jim Plunkett, on his many injuries. "You have to be stupid, and that's working out well for me." Bubba Baker, on what it takes to play in the NFL. "The object of football is not to annihilate the other team, but to advance the ball." Clark Shaughnessy, Stanford coach. "It's hard to believe, but the score started at 0-0." Dennis Green, former Northwestern coach, on losing a game 64-0 to Iowa. "They overwhelmed one opponent, underwhelmed 10, and whelmed one." Red Smith, on the Packers' 1958 record of 1-10-1. "All the rookies call me Mr. Long and I can't recognize any of the music they listen to." Howie Long, asked how he knew his career was almost over. "You're great if you win something. Alexander wasn't Alexander the Mediocre or Alexander the Average. He was Alexander the Great, and there's a reason for it." Sterling Sharpe, on the significance of winning the Super Bowl. "When God created a running back, he created Walter Payton." Johnny Roland. Keep this book in a place where you can grab it up, flip it open, read a few lines, plop the bookmark back in, set it down and go. Try to remember some quips to share with your buddies.

Intense comedy and historic one-liners.

This book is a must have for every football fan. Its rich blend of hilarious one-liners and dramatic quotes about everything from coaches, players, institutions, to mascots will have you roaring with laughter. Lengendary coaches from Bum Phillips to Paul Bryant highlight this wonderful collection. Even quotes from Lee Corso are funnier than his outlandish picks on College Football Gameday. I highly recommend this book to be read over and over.