When Your Lover Is a Liar: Healing the Wounds of Deception and Betrayal

by Susan Forward

Book Overview

In this powerful and vitally important new book, internationally acclaimed therapist and bestselling author Susan Forward, Ph.D., provides invaluable advice for women whose men betray their confidence and trust with lies.

Illustrated with a wealth of true-life stories from women who have survived and thrived despite deceptive relationships, When Your Lover Is a Liar shows you how to maneuver through the labyrinth of lying...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0060931159
• ISBN13: 9780060931155
• Release Date: December 1999
• Publisher: Harper Perennial
• Length: 240 Pages
• Weight: 0.45 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 5.3" x 8.0"

Customer Reviews

Telling It Like it is Heals the Hurt, Strengthens the Weak

When your gut is telling you one thing and he is telling you another, the confusion literally weakens your mental powers and makes you doubt yourself. You slow down at work, your creative powers diminish, your lust for life fades and you suffer all the effects of emotional abuse. Betrayal, just one of the types of lying discussed in this book, is one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse there is. This is another no-nonsense tell-it-like-it-is book from Susan. She's keeping us all sane and on the path to maturity. When you read a book by someone who tells you that verbal or emotional abuse is partly your fault or that you brought it on and that you can make changes to yourself to "fix" this relationship, that's another form of abuse. Statistics are clear - some 97% of men do not stay after being betrayed and lied to. Women tend to be slower to accept it, and suffer more emotionally and physically. Long-term, if they stay, the distrust and anger can grow and 20 years from now can cause the same problems that long-term abuse of any other kind can cause. This author provides action plans - if you want to try to make it work - that are fair to **you**. She says it's not a good idea to forgive someone who has **done nothing to earn it.** She's made me strong again after a very abusive mother (Toxic Parents) and now, much later, a relationship characterized by lying. She keeps accountability where it belongs (not on the person who was hurt!) and provides the words you need to understand...'what just happened?' You can not only get up and walk again when you get the truth about lying, you are much stronger and able to launch a new life. Although, I would like to see more from Susan about how to recover after all the abuse she writes about, I highly recommend this book.

This book is AWESOME

I would give this book 10 stars if I could. I love the author's no nonsense, no excuses style of writing. I bought two copies of this book - one for myself and one for my sister. The reason I bought it is because my sister is in a marriage full of lies & infidelity and I wanted to understand why she stays in the marriage. It did help me to see that she sees everything through rose colored glasses and is in major denial because all her hopes and dreams have been shattered therefore she has to cling to something! Before I read this book I thought that my sister's situation was unique, that she & her husband wouldn't fit into any category. Boy, was I wrong! I was completely amazed that all these liars fit into neat little categories. My brother-in-law is "the confessor" and uses "the insanity defense" as his excuses for lying and cheating. I could not believe that I was reading about their life in this book! Even the things that my sister tells us (her family) is in there (i.e. no one else understands, no one knows him like I do, etc., etc.) It's all in there!! What I love most about this book is once you read it, you will never again be able to fall for his lies again! It opens your eyes and I think once you read it you will never look at the liar the same again. You will see all the lies for exactly what they are - LIES - instead of "I hope he is telling me the truth this time". The author shows you the pattern that all these liars follow therefore when you read this book you will recognize it for what it is! I desperately hope that my sister will read the copy I sent to her. If not, maybe she will at least donate it to her local library to help women who actually want to be helped! I highly recommend this book if you are in a relationship based on lies (even if you just suspect lies) and deception. You won't be sorry!

This book empowers, and helps you realize your situation

Being in a relationship with someone who lies is extremely difficult, the disbelief when you first realize they are a liar; then in the decision of what you should do about it. Susan writes with empathy towards these situations. As not all relationships start out badly, nor do they always start out with a bunch of lies. Its after you are settled in the relationship, the realization hits. Many different women, and their relationships are described in this book. Along with these relationship descriptions are the results of the decisions that they took. Not all relationships were doomed. One good piece of advice I recently read, is if in a relationship you are lied to once, its a misunderstanding, the second time, its a moment of huge reflection; upon the third lie, leave before you are too involved. Susan empowers the reader with ideas, suggestions, and some of the reasons why your lover may be the way they are. Its definately one of the best books I have read on relationships, and why people do what they do. I would urge anyone to read this book that may have a relationship with a compulsive liar. Not to do anything about the situation only results in more and greater unhappiness.

Wonderful!! I'm Not Going Crazy!!!

For months, I've felt as if I was the only person on earth that has had to go through the lies and deceptions of a Sociopath. And, I felt as if I was the one going nuts because of the rage, anger, hurt, and confusion that I felt inside but could not seem to control. This book really helped put my feelings back into perspective and helped me understand that I'm not going crazy and that my feelings are 'NORMAL' for what I've been through. I love the way that it was written in a language towards healing me from my own inner strengths and was not at all a 'man bashing' book. I recommend this book to any woman that has been deceived and is searching for an understanding. It has helped me realize that my world has not ended, but has begun yet again, with a new shade of sunshine to lead me in the right path of love and relationships!!! Only "I" can control "MY" life!

Insightful

This book gave me the insight to understand that I was married to a sociopath. It also helped me to understand that his lying and affairs were not my fault and it is normal to grieve the loss of the relationship. While the author gives advice to women on how to work on a relationship with a man that has lied (other than a sociopath), my personal thought is lie to me once - shame on you, lie to me twice - shame on me.