Tell Me No Lies: How to Stop Lying to Your Partner-And Yourself-In the 4 Stages of Marriage

by Judith D. Schwartz, Peter T. Pearson, Ellyn Bader

Book Overview

Lying-For Better or Worse

Everybody lies. Friends lie to friends. Children lie to their parents. Politicians lie to constituents. And, inevitably, husbands and wives lie to each other. Lies between lovers have tremendous potential to both nurture and destroy a relationship. It is easy to underestimate the power that lies-even seemingly harmless lies-can wield in your marriage. Tell Me No Lies explores the complexity of honesty versus...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0312280629
• ISBN13: 9780312280628
• Release Date: December 2001
• Publisher: Golden Guides from St. Martin's Press
• Length: 256 Pages
• Weight: 0.70 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 6.0" x 8.9"

Customer Reviews

A must for marital clients

If you practice professional therapy this book is a must have for your library. Marriage involves many secrets, deceptions, and lies whether blatantly practiced or not and this book is great at uncovering them. Your clients will need follow up conversations after reading these but this book serves as a great adjunct to martial therapy.

The key to healthy relationships

I recommend Tell Me No Lies for every couple because it is a guide for obtaining the ideal relationship. Yet even if one's relationship with a partner is far from ideal, many insights found here are useful for directing communication away from defensiveness and towards honesty and openness. The authors cover a broad range of scenarios that may occur involving personal goals, parenting, financial issues, etc. A couple's interactions with each other also influences their relationships with friends and family members. Recognizing and addressing our own bad habits, even the little ones that we tend to justify or disregard, is one of the most helpful steps we can take. This book is also helpful in recognizing when one's partner is being dishonest and in learning steps to get through to the real problem that is being covered up. While offering practical approaches, the authors are realistic about the difficulty of this process and explain why it is important for the relationship that we face this fear. Overcoming barriers while using compassion and sensitivity ultimately promotes healing and growth within both the self and the couple. Reading Tell Me No Lies serves as a powerful reminder to be honest with ourselves in order to be honest with our partner and have a win-win relationship.

Spectacular

It is difficult to imagine how lies and lying could be expounded upon in such a remarkable way! But Bader & Pearson have done it, and have done it better than one might imagine. For this is not simply a book about the impact of lying upon relationships, it is a dissertation on the essence of intimacy and the secret of how to grow close to one another. Every couple who is truly committed to the growth of their marriage would benefit from this book. In addition, all clinicians who dare to work with couples need to all but memorize this volume. But don't be fooled by the ease of the read--there is much to be absorbed here, and the true student of human relationships, or the curious couple, will find that one pass through these deceptively deep pages is not nearly enough. Bader & Pearson's breadth of knowledge is evident throughout the entire manuscript, and no doubt, they have a scholarly understanding of philosophy as well as psychology. Somehow they are able to blend their clinical knowledge with their awareness of the vicissitudes of Silicon Valley without developing a severe case of cynicism. Needless to say, no other author/couple has woven into their work their own marriage in such a real way, and yet has no axe to grind. All of us in the clinical field owe a debt of gratitude to these two for what they have written, and the fact they had the wisdom to write. The married and the about to be married are likewise blessed to have the material at their finger tips that can be found in Tell Me No Lies.

Beyond Self-help

Tell Me No Lies is more than practical self-help (though just that would be useful). It provokes a way of thinking and acting --not just doing -- to develop and sustain truer relationship. An brilliant must for people involved with other people.

The lies within relationships

Once I picked up this book I was unable to put it down. From the first chapter I was able to identify myself and my partners, not only in my marriage but in past relationships as well. The authors show that they have a firm understanding of relationships and the interactions that occur within them. Not only do they expose the lies that we use everyday, both large and very small, but they explore some of the root reasons why we lie in a clear, consise manner. More importantly, they explore how to prevent lies in the future, giving simple solutions and equipment for your "emotional toolbox".Although the book's subtitle may cause potential readers to believe that it is only for married couples, many of the examples and tools can be applied to other relationships as well.I whole-heartedly recommend this book because of its ease of reading, excellent examples, and the tools that it provides.