Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety

by Judith Warner

Book Overview

Manic cake-baking at midnight. After-school activities and young social lives that require dedicated and complex organisation. Mother-of-the-birthday-boy meltdowns. No Sex. No Nights out. No Sleep.... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1573223042
• Release Date: February 2005
• Publisher: Riverhead Hardcover
• Length: 336 Pages
• Weight: 1.25 lbs.
• Dimensions: 9.0" x 1.0" x 6.3"

Customer Reviews

Positive help for parents alongside madness

Perfect Madness, written by New York Times blogger/columnist Warner starts with her experiences as a new mom in France where she found aids for the first months that made her experience very positive. Then her family moved to the "Land of Opportunity" where she interviewed many mothers and some fathers, added her own experiences with a second child and no government aid, and wrote this book. She summarizes the strange twists and turns of parenting styles over recent decades. The effects are often by turns tragic, sad, confusing, bizarre. Warner adds her thoughtful critiques. The closing chapter is insightful suggestions for making parenting in America more like her France experience, with steady policies and support instead of the zig-zags of earlier chapters. From my experiences with parenting groups and my social work career I feel she too often writes about the wealthy small percent of parents and couples. My limited experience with middle class parents is not like the strange twists she summarizes, though limited effects of those twists were experienced by some. For the poorest third of American families perfect madness is compounded by other social and financial pressures. For all parents Warner's suggestions at the end will be a family saver if they are ever implemented.

Best of this genre

Judith Warner encapsulates so many germane points in this book that I don't know where to start. Like previous reviewers noted, this is not the typical diatribe or drivel. I suggest that new mother's read this along with whatever baby books and "baby trainers" books. Warner sheds light on the conundrum that many mothers find themselves in. The reality for lots of women is that there is all this talk about support for families, but when push comes to shove, women and children are often left on their own. Then, the media perpetuates motherhood perfection with the adulation of celebrity "yummy mummies" who allegedly do it all (yes, w/ the help of paid staff) and make the rest of us crazily run around. Take a break from the to do list and read this book. I had to wait several months for this book and it was worth it. Frankly, I was glad to see that so many other women were ahead of me in the queue at the library for this book. It was worth the wait.

Fine overview of complex issues

This is actually much more of a bombshell book than its quiet cover suggests. There was much I disagreed with - the attacks on attachment parenting, the anxiety about breastfeeding - both of which made my lfie more manageable as well as the children's - but overall I thought there was plenty to agree with as well, especially the central notion that a very small upper-middle class segment of mothers are now unfairly representing an entirely unrealistic norm to the rest of us, and - perhaps even more - that the key ages of 'family-centredness' were made possible by government support for families in the form of low-interest home loans and free college education for servicemen. Equally crucial is the notion that mothers micromanage - diet, exercise, decorating - food fads, pottery classes - becauuse they've utterly lost the plot, and that they try to control their children every minute because they can't control anything else. I found all this pretty illuminating (and yes, some of it is true of me, I see). I didn't find as much as I'd like, though, about alternatives - downsizing, letting kids roam free, refusing the spiral of 'activities' and vita-building... and how about voting for a government that subsidises low-cost heath- and childcare, America? (We (in the UK) have both). My advice is to read the book, then take your kids for a picnic... and worry a lot less.

Articulates what everyone knows, and no one wants to say...

This book clearly articulates what so many notice but don't feel they can say outright: mothers are losing their minds and lives these days to their children that they revere as Christ figures. Judith Warner explores the societal reasons why it's more complicated than just blaming the mothers. It's a captivating read for those interested in the rise of medicated, angry families. Every unhappy, (especially Suburban) mother should read this book to get an eye-opening look at what is really happening to the family of today, and what detriment is being caused from the madness.

If you have an agenda don't read this book

I am really surprised by the negative reviews I have seen here. I tend to think many of the reviewers are stay at home mothers (I am one myself) that had an agenda when they first picked up the book. It is not about making a case for working mothers nor is it about staying at home. It is about the pressure that motherhood has become; the goal for perfection. The idea that if you choose anything other than staying at home you are harming your child. If you just want to validate your decision read a Dr. Laura book (a working mother herself. I don't think she is writing books and conducting a daily radio show from her son's bedroom.) The anger I have read here is a perfect reason we have to look at what society is doing to the role of mother. (Notice I said role of mother, not "job" "career" or "CEO." To equate being a mother to a job is really undermining its importance. No job will ever be as important to me as being a mother.) This anger and competitive "I am a better mother than you because I stay at home" rantings I see on the web is the best illustration of unhappiness. I think being a mother is the best thing in the world, but I have NO NEED to put down the parenting practices of other mothers. I loved this book. I have not read anything else like it and it perfectly described the conflict of wanting to be a good mother and have a life as well. She does not offer much advice in her book, but as a thoughtful reader I can come up with those myself.