Getting to the Other Side of Grief: Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse

by Robert C De Vries and Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge

Book Overview

There is little in life that rocks us like the death of a husband or wife. Whether you're feeling alone, drowning under an ocean of emotions, or you've worked your way through to the darkest nights of... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 080105821X
• ISBN13: 9780801058219
• Release Date: October 1998
• Publisher: Baker Books
• Length: 224 Pages
• Weight: 0.74 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 5.4" x 8.4"
• Age Range: 18 years and up
• Grade Range: Postsecondary and higher

Customer Reviews

Caring, Persuasive, Positive

I ordered this book without reference due to its use of both the psychologist and the theologist perspective. I have found it the most important of the many books I have received or purchased since my wife died suddenly, leaving me with two young children and a seemingly endless set of questions and emotions. The authors manage to share with you some of their experiences in losing a spouse while providing a well researched handbook for getting on a path through the darkness. It is at once an account of their own grief (I find I need to know more and more about how others dealt with the situation) and a list of practical advice and activity that move you through the shock to a constructive grieving process. No prescriptions here, but some very sound questions to be asking yourself, backed up by research and scripture. I have to thank them for going through the effort of writing this down and sharing so much of themselves as well as their beliefs and knowledge.

Excellent--Even if you only read half

If the Christian scripture approach does not fit with your views on God and religion (it does not mine), don't let that discourage you from buying this book. The psychologist portions alone are excellent. I am not yet on "the other side" of grief, but I'm starting to see glimmers of what the other side will be like. I'm cautiously optimistic, and this book reinforces that optimism. The psychologist's entries give a wonderful, hopeful view of what's possible in starting anew. It helps assuage any lingering guilt you may feel about starting over. A central concept within is that to get to the other side, you must face your grieving head-on and not simply expect time to do the job for you. The book offers prompts for writing exercises that will help you to face and resolve issues in your grieving. It's hard to find the time to write, especially if you've still got children at home, but whatever you can do will help. Here's a motivating quote from the book: "Do not waste your life on what might have been. Deal with the grief. Deal with it now so you can get on with your life." In the early weeks, I wasn't ready to "get on"; instead, I was "holding on." That's normal, as is the change I'm now feeling towards moving on. Grief is strange, and different books and approaches help at different times. When you are ready to think about moving forward to the next chapter in your life, this book will give you the encouragement you need as well as guidance to help you to the other side.

Compassionate, Practical for more than the surviving spouse

I bought this book for a friend who suddenly lost her husband, to give as a gift, but now since reading it I am getting one for myself. I would not want to wait to read it if something ever happened to my own husband; I would want their gentle, realistic advice right at hand. Their book also brings up so many healthy ways to deal with any loss or major life-change, and how to come to an understanding about God's will, His love, and his plan for each of us. Chapters on finances, children, gender issues in grieving, how to move consciously and productively (at your own pace) through the "valley of the shadow of death" to the other side again.

Reading it for the second time.....

I read this book in December after losing my 42 year old husband to brain cancer. He was my EVERYTHING! I thought that I was handling the grief well...and the book was informative, on my first pass through it in the days following my husband's death. The past month has been very difficult for me....the grief has tried to swallow me up. I started reading the book again. I am now acting on the suggestions of the authors. They were both widowed in their 40's. Their perspective comes from two different vantage points. He is a theologian...and she is a psychologist. The book has been quite helpful...and I feel as though it is helping me move forward.

Wonderfully helpful

There is no good source to learn how to "do" being a widow/widower. My wife died suddenly three weeks ago, and I was drowning in a sea of platitudes and well-meaning advice from friends. This book has shown me that what I feel is normal, that there are means of getting through it (not "over" it--"through" it), and that perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have purchased copies for all my adult children, and asked them to place them in their church libraries when they have read them. I highly recommend this for those who have lost a spouse, or other close loved one.