Generation Ex: Adult Children of Divorce and the Healing of Our Pain

by Jen Abbas

Book Overview

Finally, a Book for Adult Children of Divorce Writtenbyan Adult Child of Divorce. One of the hardest truths about divorce is that every splitno matter when it occurswill have lifelong effects on the... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1578566886
• ISBN13: 9781578566884
• Release Date: April 2004
• Publisher: Waterbrook Press
• Length: 220 Pages
• Weight: 0.63 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 5.6" x 8.2"

Customer Reviews

Great Book!

"Think about it. If you glue two pieces of wood together and then pull them apart, it is impossible to make a clean break. As children, we were the glue that bonded our parents together. When they divorced, they may have thought they made a clean break, but we are the splintered remains of their parting." Remember the line from a popular Tom Cruise movie, "You had me at hello"? Well Jen Abbas grabbed my attention on the first page with her direct, yet friendly style. She makes no apologies for her topic, the pain it may cause to take a deep look inward, or her Biblical frame of reference. The quote above is the framework for her thoughts. Whether your experience is one of an amicable parting or one that was very tumultuous, as children we were affected. Now, as adults, how do we process the pain, understand how it has shaped us, collect the "splintered remains" and move forward as healthy, whole people? This is the journey Jen Abbas takes us on. Writing from her own experience and that of hundreds of other adult children of divorce, Miss Abbas presents concrete areas of dysfunction that can manifest in us as adult children of divorce. But, she doesn't leave us there. Each chapter exposes a new piece of baggage with its "effect" and the "hope" of moving forward without it. The chapters present testimonies of the ways the unhealthy piece of luggage has affected others, the components that make up the general dysfunction, and ultimately the hope we find in realizing that as adults, we can choose how we move forward. Many books dealing with emotional trials present the issues, illustrate the struggles, offer polite advise, and still leave us feeling somehow immobilized. At the end of each chapter Jen Abbas offers practical tools to help us get unstuck and move forward -- word, reflect, challenge, read. Word: this is a Bible verse that addresses the struggle outlined in the chapter and that gives hope and Godly counsel. Reflect: these are a series of questions that, if taken seriously, are tools to help you dig deeper into your own situation and understand your own tendencies. Challenge: this is an action you can take to promote your forward momentum. Read: this is a list of other resources dealing with the chapter's topic. If you've prayed, forgiven and tried to forget and move on but you still feel lonely in a crowd, unsure of yourself, unable to make long-term commitments, Abbas brings the good news that these are probably not character flaws but manifestations of coping behaviors learned through the trauma of your parents divorce/s, and once you understand their origin, you can begin to overcome and move on. Even if your parents never divorced this book offers keen insights to the dynamics every family experiences and the effects those dynamics can have on each of us as adults. Anyone who has parents can benefit from the wisdom Jen Abbas presents in this great book. I highly recommend it. (Review as it appeared in the Spring 2

Wonderful!!

Jen just spoke at my church this morning. I have not read the book yet, though and intend on doing so shortly. Jen spoke about how she dealt with the pain and how her it is important for parents to understand that divorce is not a closed subject. It effects children for years and decades to come. She touched on the subject about how important it is for those children to see healthy marriage models as their own view may be broken and distorted. Jen was a wonderful speaker and her growth as a christian showed as she spoke about her parents divorce at the age of 6 and her parents remarriages. Definently recomended

Heart-Wrenching And Hopeful

I found that the most powerful parts of this book are about the author's life, including the poem about divorce Jen Abbas wrote at age 18, a letter from her father when she was six, and her heart-breaking memories of her parents' divorce and her mother's and stepdad's breakup. I read this book as a divorced parent--rather than as a child of divorce--and was touched by the author's emotional honesty. I didn't agree with some of the author's all-encompassing generalizations about how children of divorce have trouble forming relationships. However, I think this is an important book for divorced parents as well as children of divorce. Not only does Abbas provide children of divorce with a positive message about the need to move beyond past hurts and embrace the possibility of a happy future. She gives divorced parents great advice about how to treat their children: Don't lean on them emotionally, don't bad-mouth the "other" parent and don't insist your kids spend every vacation visiting all their "houses." Thanks to the author for her bravery and honesty!

Very Helpful Book

This book is about adult children of divorce, and the issues that they face when they grow up. I found this book helpful because I'm an adult child of divorce. I could relate to a lot of what the book said. There was some helpful information about having that sense of belonging, finding a home, finding peace, letting go of resentment, relating to your parents today, and how you can create that intact family by working with your own spouse. This book was not a parent bashing book, but a book about forgiveness, realizing that your parents are human, and that although you can't change what happened in the past, you can find ways to make your life work so that you can move on from the past.

4 1/2 Stars...Realistic, Yet Restrained

Both my wife and I have gone through the anguish of our parents' divorces, so this book cried out to be read. The title, the cover, and the premise hooked us. Jen Abbas's wise words soothed us."Generation Ex" is more than a book for adult children of divorce. It's a book for life's wounded. It deals with God's redemption in the midst of heartache and loss. Chapter after chapter provide tidbits for forgiveness and moving on. Abbas's own restraint is commendable; she never lashes out or picks sides in her own family's upheaval. This is exemplary, but it also made it difficult for me to connect with the book at times. Perhaps dealing with these matters in a straightforward manner is best, yet if felt occasionally a bit clinical. Toward the end, the book seems weighted heavily for those who are considering marrriage in the light of their own parents' struggles. This makes the book particularly important for single adults.Jen, thanks for sharing your own life and pain with us, and for doing so without bitterness. Thanks for bringing a sense of hope to those who have known despair.