Fighting for Your Marriage: A Deluxe Revised Edition of the Classic Best Seller for Enhancing Marriage and Preventing Divorce [With DVD]

by Susan L. Blumberg, Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley

Book Overview

Conflict in intimate relationships is as normal and essential as love. How you fight and resolve conflicts determines the difference between a sustained healthy and satisfying marriage or endless... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0470485914
• ISBN13: 9780470485910
• Release Date: April 2010
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass
• Length: 464 Pages
• Weight: 1.30 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.2" x 6.6" x 9.0"

Customer Reviews

Most helpful book for our marriage ever

This book is wonderful! My husband and I have read many marriage books throughout our 19 year marriage, and this one (read when we had been married for 13 years) made the biggest difference in our marriage. Though we thought we had become good at communicating, this book brought us to a whole new level. With the speaker-listener technique, the "speaker" feels such comfort in knowing that the other person has truly heard what he or she is trying to communicate. This is achieved by having the "listener" repeat back what the "speaker" has said without any judgement or defensiveness (this is key). The listener can find comfort in knowing that THEIR turn will come next, when they can then express their thoughts and feelings and even respond to the other person's original comments. There are certain "below the belt" comments that are prohibited, which lend a feeling of safety, so that one is not afraid to bring up volatile subjects. Often, before we read this book, I felt I had three choices if I was unhappy with something in our marriage. I could say nothing and put up with up it (bad choice #1.) I could talk to him about it as nicely as I could think of, but he was often defensive and would become angry and not open up and truly listen to what I was saying (bad choice #2.) Or, I could talk to him about it as nicely as I could think of, and he would see how his actions were hurtful and cry but not truly have understood enough to make much of a change in the future (bad choice #3.) This just made me sad and feel guilty and didn't change much about the situation. So, by implementing the ideas in this book, and adding a "Please do not get sad and cry" rule, it was as if a barrier on certain issues was FINALLY passed. If I could, I would buy this book for every married couple I know, those having trouble AND those who just want to enhance their already stable marriage.

A must for married/committed couples

I read the original version of this book at the library and bought my own copy because it was so helpful. The book explains specific negative patterns that develop in marriages, and gives specific, workable techniques to really resolve conflict and strenthen the relationship. Issues such as validation, rebuilding trust, building effective communication patterns, and enhancing the fun in the relationship are covered. I highly recommend this book for anyone in a serious relationship and I wish I had found it long ago. It is easy to read with many specific examples and humorous touches.

Should Be Required Reading

This book should be required reading for all couples getting married. If only I had read this book first, I could have avoided a lot of the bumps along the marital journey and saved myself and my spouse a lot of grief. Based on sound research and full of excerpts from real couples' lives, this book is now my favorite gift to newlyweds. It gives you great comfort to know that the arguments you and your spouse have occur in all marriages at different times. I highly recommend this to anyone who is looking at making their marriage last for the long haul!

Great!

This book helped us identify negative patterns in our marriage and by follwing the practical advise, we really raised our communication to the next level. All couples will fight, learn how to do it productively!

This book saved our marriage!

My husband and I married in our mid thirties thinking we had a lock on good communication skills and knowing we were mature enough to really make this marriage work. Nonetheless, it wasn't long before we were "mired in muck". When a small conflict arose, we found ourselves so caught up in being right and fighting our point to the death that small events escalated into huge issues. We could feel the good things in our relationship slipping away and felt helpless to fix the problem. (This was AFTER reading probably 20 different books on marriage, doing the Barbara D'Angelis program, the Gary Smally Program, attending several couples workshops, etc.). Contemplating calling it quits on our marriage, I happened accross this book, loved it, then went to a PREP workshop. Our marriage is AWESOME. We actually know how to hear and be heard and have the skills to RESOLVE the conflicts. (By the way, note the "I". My spouse hasn't read the book and refused to go to the workshop.) I learned the skills and used them in our marriage and our relationship changed. It even works with kids, in-laws, co-workers.... Yippee!