As Much Time as It Takes: A Guide for the Bereaved, Their Family and Friends

by Martin J. Keogh

Book Overview

A guide for the bereaved, their family, and friends from a grieving person's viewpoint. Helps to navigate with sensitivity through awkward moments of comforting those mourning the loss of a loved one.... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1571744541
• ISBN13: 9781571744548
• Release Date: January 2005
• Publisher: Hampton Roads Publishing Company
• Length: 112 Pages
• Weight: 0.36 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 5.6" x 6.2"

Customer Reviews

Destined to become a Classic in the field!

Martin Keogh has granted the wish of so many well-intentioned and good hearted people who have felt for their friends suffering a loss and wished they knew what they could say or do for them, but just did not know how they could help or show their care. Martin Keogh has filled the missing niche in books on grief with his treasure of wisdom. I wish this book was around when I lost my husband and young daughter. I know others who have suffered a loss shared my experience of being additionally injured by the words and acts of well intentioned friends when I was most vulnerable in my grieving. Now, I give this kind and wise and beautiful book to everyone I know who is going through grief or has someone close to them doing so. It is a treasure chest of gifts, easy to receive. Do not be concerned that it appears deceptively simple, (all the most essential things are!), for it is written in a style easiest to take in when you need it the most. This is a remarkable contribution to the field and sure to become a classic!

Timeless Voice: Keogh's "As Much Time As It Takes"

I first came across this timeless writing after September 11, 2001. I immediately sent ten copies of the pre-published version "As Much Time As It Takes" to the families of my deceased co-workers and friends who died in the World Trade Center. This book is profound: it gives voice to the wisdom of preceding generations that have experienced loss. The teaching of this book is that the torrents of emotion the bereaved might feel are natural and to be expected.

Finally...a book for those of us on the outer circle of grief

This book was written for the rest of us: those who aren't grieving, and feel completely at a loss to help those who are! In the past, I was the one who tried to make it better, when I couldn't possibly make it better. I couldn't understand why they just couldn't "get over it" sooner, and get back to their lives. So I wound up feeling frustrated and distant from my grieving friend. Exactly the opposite of my intention. This little book is what I've been missing: a tool that gives me real, practical ideas that I can use. The writing is clear, simple, and almost poetic. There's a lushness to Keogh's pages, and his ideas come out so tenderly, and so lovingly. Keogh takes us inside the heart, mind, and body of someone in grief. Once there, he shows us how to be truly helpful, thoughtful, and a loving presence--in other words, how to be a true friend. This book taught me what no one or no experience has ever taught me. It is a treasure that needs to be on everyone's bookshelf--required reading for the human experience!

Excellent Primer for a Culture Unfamiliar with Grief

Full Disclosure: Martin, the author, is an old friend of this reviewer. My father died in August after a prolonged decline. Some days later I received Martin's book in the mail. It has been of very real help in a very deep way ever since. At first I was a little wary of the simple language and the straightforward style, which grated somewhat with my degree in Literatrure and Philosophy and my family's intellectualized approach to virtually everything. Despite this, I found myself drawn back to the book over and over again, and I discovered that I was careful to keep the book accessible. Soon I realized that 'As Much Time As It Takes' finds much of its power in its simplicity; it offers permission to feel different facets of grief through its unadorned and forthright enunciations of how this kind of grief feels, or that kind of grief feels, or how grief feels at this or that moment. I thought I knew grief from past experience; I forgot that each experience of deep grief is distinct. I thought I had done much of my grieving as my father declined (and I had), but I did not realize how much there was awaiting me after his death. 'As Much Time As It Takes' acted a bit like a guide to Michelangelo's David, reminding me that even when one perspective threatens to become familiar that one merely needs to shift to a slightly different vantage point to feel again the power of the event. And it seems to me that this is how we grieve, by feeling the grief over and over again, in different ways and sparked by different catalysts. The book also reminded me that it really was okay to let others know how I felt. I imagine that most people who have been through the grieving process in our culture remember being told, usually with great affection and sympathy, how one "must" be feeling or what one "must' want or need. "Oh, you must be feeling just devastated!" "You must need some time away right now." Sometimes these are correct, and sometimes they pass wide of the mark. In the latter case it can be very hard to feel like it is okay in our world to correct the sympathizer, but it can also be very, very important to do so. This is a strong book written in a deceptively simple style. Keep it around to read when a friend loses someone to remind yourself of the little ways to be in the right place at the right time. Keep it around to read when you yourself are in grief to remind yourself how rich and complex the process is, and to support your efforts to remain true to yourself as you are surrounded by well intentioned wellwishers.

If you're grieving, read this book!

This book came to me just at the right time. My father had recently died and I was feeling the weight and density of my grief. It pervaded everything. Martin Keogh's As Much Time As it Takes helped me to know that my thinking about him and my need to talk about him A LOT was normal. While friends might have tired of listening to me still memorializing him, I realized that it was important to remember him, feel the feelings, and treat myself with loving kindness. This gentle, loving book is a real gem.