Raising Your Spirited Child Rev Ed (Revised)

by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Book Overview

Newly revised, featuring the most up-to-date research, effective strategies, and real-life stories

The spirited child often called "difficult" or "strong-willed" possesses traits we value in adults yet find challenging in children. Research shows that spirited kids are wired to be "more" by temperament, they are more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, and uncomfortable with change than the average child. In this revised edition of the...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0060739665
• ISBN13: 9780060739669
• Release Date: November 2006
• Publisher: William Morrow & Company
• Length: 496 Pages
• Weight: 0.75 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.2" x 5.2" x 8.2"

Customer Reviews

Great book. Especially for someone with a child with autism.

This was a great book! Was not quit what I needed but was still a great book. I think this book would really help someone who works with or is a relative of a child with autism or other similar situation.

Life Changing

I can only describe this book as liberating. When I found it, our son was 5. I sat and cried with relief, knowing I was not alone. 7 years later I still quote many part of the books. I don't even know how many copies I have bought and lent out. My favorite part was the real definitions of introvert vs. extrovert...wow, what perspective. This concept alone has totally helped me to better understand my family and friends. It is also a wonderful thing to teach my kids so that they can recognize the needs of themselves and their friends. Our son is now 12 years old, very intelligent with a huge heart. This book helped us to learn how to adapt his environment without enabling him. Understanding his need for more sleep, less drama, and smoother transitions help him to be stronger and more secure emotionally and let's be honest....it all benefits the family dynamics. Praise God!

Great resource-- I'm purchasing a 2nd copy 10 yrs later!

This was a total eye opener when I originally purchased this book 10 years ago! (My son was 2 and my daughter was a newborn!)I've since recommended it and loaned it out so many times that my copy didn't come back the last time! (And I can't remember who has it now!) I both laughed & cried while reading it and I finished it in 1 night (newborn-remember?)It really helped both my husband and me see what WE were doing differently--not necessarily "wrong", just not RIGHT for our son--and WE made changes. (Note to the person who wrote "this book had no tips we could use": read it again & remember you're the parent who needs to guide the child.) We realized simple things--we shouldn't have taken him on numerous errands at the end of his day or WE paid for it (our son doesn't handle ANY change well and he still doesn't--he's 12 now!) We've had to teach HIM how to handle difficult situations. I'm now going to read it again to help with the preteen years for both of my children!

Insight & Practical Strategies to More Cooperation & Sanity

Mary gives lots of insight and many how-to's to parents of children that are far more challenging on a daily basis than the average kid. I appreciate the postive tone of this book. Too many times my husband and I want to just give up on this child and say something like, "Well, at least his brother and sister are good!" I am learning to accept what I simply can not change now that I really understand how our temperaments and personalities interact with each other. However, due to this book I have changed my attitude as far as labeling my four year old as "the difficult child." That does become a self-fulfilling prophesy! So many of the strategies in this book have been working and there is a lot more peace and cooperation in my home. It feels so good to be reassured that other kids say and do things that test a parent's sanity and that all of us moms and dads regret what we say and do from time to time. I also want to recommend a very compatible book of quick read suggestions called THE POCKET PARENT. It shares the same compassionate friendly tone, as well as a variety of awesome short real-life anecdotes. This pocket-sized book is fun to read...no paragraphs, just hundreds of specific bullets of helpful tips arranged in an A-Z easy reference of topics (such as bad words, bedtime, biting, hitting and hurting others, interrupting, mealtime, morning crazies, the gimmes, separation anxiety, and whining). Both books give lots of support, a good dose of humor and sensible advice from a positive discipline bent without being preachy nor condescending. THE SPIRITED CHILD is geared to kids of all ages while THE POCKET PARENT is written only for parents of toddlers and preschoolers (2's, 3's, 4's, and 5's). Both books are worthy additions to your library, convenient to refer to over and over again as the need arises.

Finally, some GOOD advice!

How many times had I heard, "yup, he's all boy" or "he sure is active", or "he just needs a good spanking"...but I always felt that no one truly understood what I was going through with my "spirited" child. I read "The Strong Willed Child" by Dobson, I read "The Dicipline Book" by Dr. Sears, still nothing seemed to explain the problems I was having with my child. I had just about decided that I must have done something wrong to make him behave the way he does, when I found this book. What a relief! It isn't anything I have done to make my son the way he is. But the book gave me such practical and effective advice on how to work with his personality instead of against it.Any parent of a spirited child will tell you that traditional discipline techniques don't work. Time outs? Are you kidding? I'dd have to tie my kid into a chair or lock him in his room! Now I realize what sets him off and I can often avoid the "naughty" behavior. No more quick trips to the bank or grocery store after preschool. He is totally tapped out by the time he gets home, and it is time for quiet/alone time in his room so he can recharge and be sociable again. My parents kept telling me he should be sleeping through the night, when at age 2 he still was waking up during the night. In their eyes, he was just spoiled. "Let him cry" they would say. What they didn't understand, was that a spirited child does not cry themselves to sleep like other children, they cry themselves awake! Sometimes to the point of vomiting because they get so worked up!I could go on and on, but the bottom line is, this book truly saved my sanity. I feel like a better parent as a result of it and I know my relationship with my son has improved dramatically.

Absolutely Astoundingly Helpful!

This book is a real lifesaver. Upon purchasing it, I tore through it in one night and then settled down for a more in-depth study. All I can say is, it's really amazing! It helps parents of what are traditionally called "strong-willed" children to redefine their children as "spirited." This is not to say the book advocates letting your child rule the roost. In fact, careful reading will reveal that the objective for parents of a spirited kid is to help him learn to cope with the world he lives in with socially acceptable behavior (obeying house rules, for example) without having to change the personality he was born with. It really helps the parent learn about their child's weaknesses and strengths and gives the parent many techniques that have proven to be effective. The author is herself the mother of two, one of whom is "spirited" and is now in his twenties. I found her sympathetic writing style to be extremely readable and the use of a hypothetical class (based on real-life classes the author has taught for many years) of parents to make the assimilation of information much easier than it might have been otherwise. Especially helpful were the sections on sleeping, coping with difficult school situations, and social strategies. Readers who might be turned off by "Parenting the Fussy Baby and High Need Child" author William Sears' recurrent advocation of Attachment Parenting will find most principles here have nothing to do with that parenting style (although the author does say not to be afraid to take the baby in bed with you if you all sleep better that way). Those who do Attachment Parent will find nothing here to contradict their childrearing beliefs. It is a happy medium between "Parenting the Fussy Baby and High Need Child" and Dobson's "The Strong-Willed Child." I do feel one caveat should be added--since I originally read the book, my son has been diagnosed with Sensory Integration Dysfunction. Many of the spirited child characteristics are shared (in spades) by children with this disorder. Parents should be careful not to allow the information in this book to lull them into a false sense of well-being if their gut (or their pediatrician, or their child's teacher) tells them that something is really wrong.