Kabul Beauty School: An American Woman Goes Behind the Veil

I read this after reading both novels by Khaled Hossini (The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns). Although I found both of Mr. Hossini's books to be riveting, I found myself a little skeptical. Surely his depiction of life in Afghanistan was an over-the-top dramatization. Well, Ms. Rodriguez' book set me straight. Her firsthand account of her experiences gave credence to Mr. Hossini's words. More importantly, though, she shed light on something that we in the West forget about while watching tons of images on the evening news. Afghanistan is not a barren land without culture -- the most important thing I picked up from this book was a better understanding of the Afghan people and a realization of our shared humanity. Debbie Rodriguez is an incredibly brave woman and I thank her for sharing her story.

Debbie's got guts! She's an adventurer, a teacher and a mentor and a beacon for Afgan women.

What all the coalitions and NGOs are missing in Afganistan, and elsewhere, is that the key to building peace is empowering women. Look at all the trouble spots in the world. What do they all have in common? The disregard of the rights of women. Empowering the women stabilizes the country, it stops the first tyranny, the one at home.

Debbie felt out of her element with the doctors and medical personnel who took her to Afganistan, but she had the guts, stamina and interpersonal skills to make a lasting contribution. It's a tremendous credit to her that she toughed it out.

The opportunity to build democracy in Afganistan is not totally lost, but as I write this there are still 22 Koreans being held political hostage. In a separate, totally criminal situation, a German was just released. I am of the opinion that had the US govt. kept its eye on the ball and had resolve of Debbie Rodriguez Afganistan (and the USA) would be on a far better track today.

The situation of the women, who have NO rights makes you cry. The fate of so many good and capable women lies in the hands of opium abusers, physically abusive husbands and pompous government officials. Reading this book will make cry, laugh and give you hope.

Wow! did i enjoy reading this book. i fell in love with Ms. Rodriquez right from the get-go. We could have been best friends, this is how much i related to her personality. you just have to buy this book and read for yourself what she experienced in Afghanistan. it's just an amazing account of what is happening to women there, and how she dealt with the situations she encountered. I'm hoping for a follow-up. Come on girlfriend, tell us more!

A work of non-fiction Deborah Rodriguez's book could almost be fictional. Only that it isn't. It's a story about determination, challenge, love and heartache. It is the story of an American woman who catapulted herself from Holland, Michigan to Kabul, Afghanistan.

A maverick by nature, Rodriguez came to Afghanistan in 2002, with an American non-governmental organization (NGO) trained in emergencies. Also gregarious by nature, Rodriguez very early on turned her attention to befriending Afghans who spoke some English. Her checkered background in multitasking and a rich personal life helped her in being sought after what was badly need in Kabul - hairdressing. With this, she developed a deep bond with Afghan women, who were just coming out of the tyranny of living under the Taliban. Their heart rending stories are told poignantly by Rodriguez, throughout the book.

I lived in Kabul for a month in 2004 and for four months in 2006. I also went o Rodriguez's beauty parlour, Oasis, in April 2006, with a friend. It took us forever to find it, as houses have no names or numbers in Kabul (security reasons). I called her four times on her cell phone to get to the right place. I waited while my friend got a haircut, was served tea, and got a chance to observe my surroundings. She had a presence and charisma that was hard to miss. Her energy was infectious. When Rodriguez took a cigarette break, she told us parts of her story, all in the book.

I first read about The Kabul Beauty School in an opinion piece posted in the Kabul Guide e-list I subscribe to, a few months ago. It talked about how some people that worked with Rodriguez in starting the Beauty School felt they did not get the credit they deserved in the book. And, that in the beginning of the book (enjoyable and shocking to me) is a piece about Rodriguez helping an Afghan bride fake her virginity on her wedding night by providing her with a blood stained handkerchief. Shouldn't this be the mother's role, questioned the author of the article? I smiled as I read this.

There were so many roles for women (just as there are for men) in Afghanistan that it could get tiring. But, there are more expectations and restrictions when it comes to women. In most traditional societies in transition to modernity, these roles are shifting. Yet, both Afghans and non Afghans have a hard time with this. What to cling to, what to let go? What to support, what to oppose?

However, Rodriguez had little patience with all this questioning. With a fierce determination she dealt with men and women, ministries, bureaucracies, hoodlums, louts, children and older people. She wore her heart on her sleeve, and was not afraid to show her emotions - be it anger, frustration, love or appreciation. She was certainly not a coward.
She did some pretty unconventional things. Most of all, she married an Afghan, and became his second wife. The first wife, with her seven children, lived in Saudi Arabia. He supported her in many things and said no when he couldn't help her. While Rodriguez did a lot to blend in, she also held on dearly to what she believed in, from her background and upbringing.

Rodriguez weaves the book around her own story and those of the women she comes across in Afghanistan. Choosing to focus on setting up a beauty school, she opted to work with women most of the time. She loved them, got cross with them, and yelled at them. She cried with them, danced with them and got involved in their most intimate stories - from violence to sex.

Raised in a country where life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are guaranteed in the constitution, Rodriguez was often outraged about what she discovered and experienced in Afghanistan. This is understandable. But, slowly she learned and adapted, often at a high cost to herself and others around her. However, that is the nature of life and work as an expatriate in Afghanistan or any other post conflict country. I myself made some mistakes in dealing with the Afghans I worked and interacted with. I too experienced all the emotions Rodriguez did.

Rodriguez ends her book in May 2006, just after riots and curfews in Kabul. I was in Kabul at that time. The women who have studied and graduated from her beauty school have gone their various paths - some to new lives and others back to the old ones (but as changed and economically independent persons, with a skill). Rodriguez's experience in Afghanistan transformed her life and the women around her. Her book is deeply personal and gives a pretty accurate picture of what goes on in today's Afghanistan.

There are whisperings (quietly and openly) that Rodriguez has betrayed and endangered the women of the beauty school - that they could be targeted by conservative elements. Also, about her going back on her promises of getting them out of the country to safe and greener pastures. And, was she going to share the profits of her book with the women whose stories she told?

Above the whispering and questioning, the truth is that the reality of Afghan woman can be changed by themselves -with some help from the Debbie Rodriguez' of the world. Just like development aid and expatriate technical assistance and expertise, it is only a helping hand to the Afghans. And, all this will take time. Decades of oppression from inside and outside Afghanistan, have left a deep impression on Afghan women and men, in separate ways. They suffered collectively and differently, each to their own, in their own way. I too, heard many of these stories. A great need in Afghanistan today is individual and collective healing. Rodriguez realised this and tried to do something about, in the way she knew best.

Rodriguez offered freedom and friendship, within the confines of Afghan society. More than that she could not do, and no outsider can. The book rings true, reads well, and is highly descriptive of a country and people Rodriguez was privileged to be part of. And, that, no one can take away from her. Just like no one can take away from the Afghan women what they got from Rodriquez.

Her husband was a minister --- and a pig. You know the type: jealous, possessive, calls the wife 70 times a day if he suspects she's in the mere presence of another man. She had no college --- she'd worked as a prison guard and was now on her second stint as a hairdresser --- and she lived in Holland, Michigan, not exactly a center of opportunity.

But Debbie Rodriguez had a personality as vivid as her short, red, spiked hair. She'd taken emergency and disaster relief training in the summer of 2001. And she had a big heart.

So what did she do right after 9/11?

She volunteered to spend a month in Afghanistan. At the first meeting of her group with other foreigners living in Kabul, the women burst into wild applause when she was introduced --- there wasn't a decent hairdresser in the entire city.

Debbie Rodriguez loved Afghanistan. When she returned to Michigan, a friend suggested that she move to Kabul and start a beauty school. The idea itched. She couldn't stop watching television footage of the Taliban. She read book after book. She knew, from her own experience, that she could help Afghani women: "A salon is a good business for a woman --- especially if she has a bad husband." And she identified with them: "I was still married to such a mean man that Afghanistan, then considered by many people to be the most dangerous place on earth, felt like paradise."

"I hope you die in Afghanistan," her husband said as she left for the airport in March of 2003.

"I'd rather die than live here with you," she said. And, with that, "a door in my heart opened, and the tiny piece of him left inside tumbled out. I flew to Afghanistan, where my heart would soon fill with new people to love."

And, it turns out, for you to love. Debbie Rodriguez is the kind of fearless woman that women instinctively adore (and men, at their peril, learn to respect). And in a beauty salon, women literally let their hair down --- that is, once they've removed their burkas. So you get stories.

There's the long-deflowered bride who, on her wedding night, needs to prove she's a virgin. The woman who takes her burka off for the first time in fifteen years and has to shield her eyes from the sunlight for the first three days. The woman who hadn't been out of her house in eight years. The hairdresser who had been jailed by the Taliban for practicing her trade.

And you get a glimpse of Afghan customs. Did you know that, in Afghanistan, both men and women get their bodies completely waxed before they marry? That at the wedding party, some women dress as men so they can more authentically dance with other women? That there are no rude Afghans? ("Even when they're pointing a gun at you, they're polite.")

And, mostly, you get Debbie. Her determination: When the owner of Paul Mitchell phones her in Kabul, it's only seconds before the question of donated beauty supplies becomes "how much do you need?" Her ferocity: I counted two incidents --- there may be more --- when she lifts her burka so she can see better to punch an offending Afghani man in the face. And her wild spirit: The story of her semi-arranged marriage to an Afghani will have you slack-jawed more than once.

"One person can make a difference." I usually cringe when I hear that. But Debbie Rodriguez is living proof. She set a stage upon which women transformed their lives. She brought laughter into rooms that had only known tears. And, in the process, she found her own joy.

In May of 2006, some American military vehicles crashed into civilian cars. Several Afghanis died. A riot followed. American troops said they fired over the heads of the rioters, but several Afghanis were killed and many were injured. After that, strict curfews were imposed. And the Kabul Beauty School had to close.

Count that as a shadow. Debbie Rodriguez kicked open doors and smashed windows, and now there is light in the hearts of hundreds of Afghani women. I can't imagine there are men tough enough to put those lights out.