Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives

I am not an expert in this field but as far as I can tell there are at least two distinct strands of co-dependance. There is the type that is induced during adulthood by exposure to an adult addict. Then there is a form induced during childhood via what Pia describes as 'abuse'.

I came into this subject as my wife has been diagnosed with codependancy. The Melodie Beatty books don't come close to describing her symtoms. Pia's book hits her case perfectly. So the usefulness of this book will depend upon which of the two cases concern you.

This books gives the clearest and most detailed explanation of the symptoms and progression of this illness I have come across and her metaphors for describing some of the internal driving forces behind the behaviours are excellent.

One thing that may irritate some is that Pia describes almost any form of dysfunctional parenting as abuse - whilst she is right by her definition it can appear harsh. Her sections upon dysfunctional parenting are extremely helpful - especially as codependants usually pass the disease to their children via this mechanism.

All in all, if you have a form of codependancy induced during childhood I believe this book is a MUST ahve.

I couldn't put this book down after reading the first 5 pages. It described my experience so vividly. I was shocked and scared.

This book describes why and how codependents come about. It describes the causes as well as the symptoms. Majority of it has to do with our childhood experience, especially with the caregivers.

Unlike one reviewer, I do not think this book "bashes" the parents. Parents naturally account for most responsibilities when we were children. After we learned about these, we have to nurture the gratitute and know that our parents did the best they knew.

The book offers excellent coverage among all of the causes, symtoms, and some recovery strategies.

For more information on recovery, one should read Pia's newest book "Intimacy Factor" for more information, and "Breaking Free" for step by step workbook. Attending local CoDependency Anonymous (CoDA) meetings also helped me, but not as much as Pia's books.

I've read all three of Pia's books. I am so grateful Pia would spend the time and energy to write these books. They helped me tremandeously. I highly recommend Pia's books.

Read this book/listen to this tape at your own risk~Pia Mellody has written a book that WILL NOT allow you to continue to live in the comfortable wallow of your own misery. Easy listening/reading? No. Ms. Mellody asks hard questions, demands honesty, and shows you the true face of the person who looks back at you from the mirror-your own self. You cannot read this book or listen to the tape and then ignore the message. Mellody's words stick with you like sidewalk gum on the heel of your shoe. You gotta sit down, shut up, and pay attention to what she has to say, or suffer the uncomfortable consequences of knowing that you have chosen to turn away from the truth. If you put Ms. Mellody's philosophies into action in your own life, you WILL find the freedom to live with joy. You WILL find the path to real maturity. You WILL learn to take responsibility for yourself and your actions...and you will learn to let others take responsibility for themselves. There are hundreds of self-help books available...save your money to buy this one, and do what Pia Mellody tells you to do. It works.

One of the most moving parts of this book is her discussion of the "natural characteristics [of a child] that make them authentic human beings... valuable, vulnerable, imperfect, dependent and immature." Not perfect, independent, mature, self-contained, and impervious to hurt. Imagine my surprise! Anyone from a dysfunctional family where meeting Mom & Dad's needs was more important than the parents meeting your needs can benefit from this book. It brought up a lot of sadness for me, but it also encouraged me to begin to parent myself in healthy ways.

I read a lot of books with similar titles to this one. But this one is dramatically different in the sense that it (for me) correctly identified that the condition I live with is all about me... and that it lives and operates in me without having anything to do with anyone else - except that the actions of others can trigger me.

I feel that a lot of other books on codependence seem to invoke depictions of "someone that supports and enables another person's destructive habits". I would judge that to be a tiny subset of the behaviour, and not much to do with the problem at all. Pia describes how it is really a disease of impaired emotional maturaty as a result of abuse suffered during childhood. (And by abuse, it doesn't take terrible beatings to do the damage and create the condition). She then describes all the symptoms and issues that it creates in our lives. For me, it was like looking in a mirror.

The key point I wanted to present is that this book is different. I strongly believe that other addictions are medications to help mask and dull the pain that comes from codependence.

I have purchased five copies of it now... I keep giving it away.